Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Fifty shades of wrong.

A friend of mine is lending me fifty shades of grey. For reasons unclear to me it is in Dutch. The good thing is that I can pretend that some things are just bad translation. Unfortunately that doesn't change the story line. It's very easy to read. It's like popcorn, hot air. You don't need to think about any of it so you're just flying through it. I was quite surprised at that. I'm not saying it's well written, it's just very readable. The story is very simple. Boy meets girl, the conquer an obstacle and live happily ever after. In this case the writer choose kink for the fluff to fill the pages. I really wish she had done her research right. She didn't. I'm hoping it's the translation that writes the Dutch word for submissive with a capital. Somehow I doubt it. And that is just the start. I'm not sure what she had in mind with mister Grey but for someone who is supposed to have 12 years of experience in kink he is extremely naive. Clearly he is not a Dominant or Master by nature if she can manipulate him so easily after such a long time in the scene. Nor is she a true submissive but she doesn't claim to be. She's a brat. She just happens to be a masochist but that doesn't make you a sub by definition. Error upon error upon error. Oh my indeed.



Why does this bother me? For the same reason why The Da Vinci Code bothers me. It's popular writers who don't do their research properly and send these idiotic ideas into the world without worrying about how it will effect people. Does stuff like this effect people? Yes, of course it does. Most people get most of their knowledge from the media. Including me. It's not just internet and TV. Books count just as much. People believe a lot of stuff they see or read, simply because it sounds convincing. Like the mermaid documentary on Animal Planet. A lot of people thought it was real. I wanted to believe it because mermaids are cool and the documentary was very well done. But that doesn't actually make it true.


It's the same with books like these. People think the writers did their research so they must know what they are talking about, right? If someone knows a tiny bit more then you do that doesn't mean they are experts. If someone can change the oil it doesn't mean they can fix the engine. But people think they do. This is just the most recent example of misconceptions that I found. For someone as deviant from the norm as I do I feel compelled to stand up for diversity in any way. This is one of the reasons why I've started working on my book. One of the topics I want to discuss there is love. As far as boy meets girl stories go Fifty Shades is rather cliche. In other words: it is normative. As someone who wants to do his research as well as possible I'm curious about how other people see this norm. I'm trying to gather as much information as possible to get a good picture. As far as love goes, or cultural norms for that matter, one of the best sources would be personal experiences. I was wondering if people would be willing to send me their stories, their experiences and their ideas about what love is, what the norm is and if that norm is correct. I know that's a lot to ask but I would be very grateful. You can post a comment if you want or send me a personal message on my Facebook page if you don't want it to be public. If you have any questions, go ahead and send me a message as well. This book will contain a lot of personal opinion but it should, most of all, be a book for all of you.



And for those who are curious: a fun bit of science behind love.


Monday, March 17, 2014

So what happens next?

It’s been a while since I posted my last blog. People have been asking me what my plans are for the future. Or more precise: what’s the next project? How about finishing my transition first? I have been forgetting that actually takes a lot of time and mental space as well. Now I do have time to think about these things a lot has been happening inside my head. Surgery is starting to get real as well. This week I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to get the last signature for my referral letter. Three weeks after that I am seeing my surgeons to discuss the options and my wants and needs. After that there is a waiting list of 4 to 6 weeks. So after 10 weeks at the most I will have had my surgery. The way time has flown by the past few months it feels like it could be tomorrow almost. I’m starting to get nervous in a way you do just before you go on a holiday. I’m trying not to expect too much. Someone asked me how I think I will look after the surgery. I have no idea. I don’t think about it because I can’t know until about a year after the surgery and I have completely healed and my hormones have settled etc. All I can do now is hope for the best and see what happens. It’s weird to be thinking about things like nipples. Most people take them for granted. They’re just there. But now I have to decide if I want my surgeon to do something with them or not. I’m not 100% sure yet. I’ll wait and see what she says. She’s the expert in the end. I don’t feel the need to have them reduced right now but they look quite different on my chest the way things are anyway so it’s hard to tell.

I have decided to have the hysterectomy. I’m not sure if I mentioned that before. There are several reasons for this:
I don’t plan on having kids anyway so I don’t need a uterus.
Hormone treatment increases cancer risks and I don’t really feel like getting cancer.
And, last but not least, the estrogen I’m still producing is counterproductive.

People seem to think that more testosterone means less estrogen and yes, if all is well your ovaries become less active. Not always though. People have been calling me miss again lately in stores. I noticed my body and face had been changing again the wrong way around. I used a bit of extra testosterone for about a week and now seem to be back on track again. In the meantime the extra hair did expand. My voice is also still slowly changing. So the testosterone is doing its work. But when the fat distribution makes my face look more feminine people still misgender me. It’s rather frustrating and I really can't wait to get rid of the estrogens so I can really start looking like myself. I’m getting closer but I know I’m still not there.

Another thing that happens is that people think I’m much younger then I am. I’m 35 and I usually don’t mind if people think I’m a bit younger but when someone thinks I’m 17 I really don’t know how to respond. This really happened two days ago. I’m still amazed. And of course this happens right at the moment when I start to be okay with being an adult. I know that sounds silly but that happens to all of us. We all feel like we are going to be young forever and then, one day, we wake up and we find we are supposed to be adults. We don’t know how that happens, but it does. Just like that. When you’re young you think it’s something that happens to other people and that they will know how to deal with it when the time comes. But I’m guessing there are quite a few people who don’t. Or at least, at first. I guess it’s about attitude, how you deal with things. I think I have grown quite a bit lately in that aspect. Even though I don’t have some sort of job anymore I feel more in control of my life. I finally have time to paint again and I have started to write a book. It feels great to be able to make my own schedule and do things at my own pace. I keep forgetting I don’t work well with deadlines and a packed calendar. I need space to breathe. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m taking responsibility for my own life. If that isn’t a grown up thing to do, I don’t know what is. 

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