Since I started hormone treatment I have been getting my
measurements done at the gym every week. I keep track of my muscle and
fat mass to see how my body is responding. For a while my testosterone
was too high and was being turned into estrogen. The result was a slow
decrease in muscle and a slow rise in fat. The logical response was to
lower my testosterone. First I went from 50mg to 30 mg but it was still
too high. So my doctor suggested to cut back to 10mg. I thought that was
a bit drastic but he didn't tell me in his voicemail how high it was so
I had no idea how high my testosterone was. I figured he probably knew what he was doing. Alas, now it is too low.
Last week my muscle mass spiked and my fat mass dropped, both by over a
kilo. Clearly I had hit a sweet spot with my testosterone level for a
short while. But it didn't last. My levels dropped even further and are
now too low. This week I gained back even more fat then I lost last week
and lost over a kilo of muscle again. Such rapid muscle loss can only
be explained by low testosterone. So I need to go back up. I am getting
blood work done tomorrow and will have to wait 2 weeks for the results.
I'm not going to wait that long to increase my testosterone though.
After my visit to the hospital I will go up to 20mg a day and see what
happens with my muscle and fat mass.
I had really hoped
the dosage was correct this time. Building muscle and burning fat takes
up energy. And having to undo that work also takes up energy. The human
body is not meant to be on a roller coaster like that. It's simply not
healthy. Other then that, it's not good for my mood. Seeing my body
changing the wrong way is highly frustrating when you're eating and
training correctly. And then there are the effects on your mood in
general. Hormones have such a huge influence on how you feel. While I
was feeling more energetic for a few days now I'm really tired and quite
down. I have no appetite at all while I could eat a horse a week ago.
Right now I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. I feel terrible. Once
I increase the testosterone again I'll get restless again, agitated and
won't be able to sleep. I'll still feel tired but in a different way.
It will be because my body needs a lot of energy to grow again. I'm not
looking forward to it. I just want this whole thing to be over. All this
going up and down, up and down, it's driving me nuts. I'm running
around in circles, not getting anywhere. I want to move forward. Again,
time to cross our fingers and hope 20 is my lucky number. Let's see what
happens. 
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