Fifty shades of wrong.

A friend of mine is lending me fifty shades of grey. For reasons unclear to me it is in Dutch. The good thing is that I can pretend that some things are just bad translation. Unfortunately that doesn't change the story line. It's very easy to read. It's like popcorn, hot air. You don't need to think about any of it so you're just flying through it. I was quite surprised at that. I'm not saying it's well written, it's just very readable. The story is very simple. Boy meets girl, the conquer an obstacle and live happily ever after. In this case the writer choose kink for the fluff to fill the pages. I really wish she had done her research right. She didn't. I'm hoping it's the translation that writes the Dutch word for submissive with a capital. Somehow I doubt it. And that is just the start. I'm not sure what she had in mind with mister Grey but for someone who is supposed to have 12 years of experience in kink he is extremely naive. Clearly he is not a Dominant or Master by nature if she can manipulate him so easily after such a long time in the scene. Nor is she a true submissive but she doesn't claim to be. She's a brat. She just happens to be a masochist but that doesn't make you a sub by definition. Error upon error upon error. Oh my indeed.



Why does this bother me? For the same reason why The Da Vinci Code bothers me. It's popular writers who don't do their research properly and send these idiotic ideas into the world without worrying about how it will effect people. Does stuff like this effect people? Yes, of course it does. Most people get most of their knowledge from the media. Including me. It's not just internet and TV. Books count just as much. People believe a lot of stuff they see or read, simply because it sounds convincing. Like the mermaid documentary on Animal Planet. A lot of people thought it was real. I wanted to believe it because mermaids are cool and the documentary was very well done. But that doesn't actually make it true.


It's the same with books like these. People think the writers did their research so they must know what they are talking about, right? If someone knows a tiny bit more then you do that doesn't mean they are experts. If someone can change the oil it doesn't mean they can fix the engine. But people think they do. This is just the most recent example of misconceptions that I found. For someone as deviant from the norm as I do I feel compelled to stand up for diversity in any way. This is one of the reasons why I've started working on my book. One of the topics I want to discuss there is love. As far as boy meets girl stories go Fifty Shades is rather cliche. In other words: it is normative. As someone who wants to do his research as well as possible I'm curious about how other people see this norm. I'm trying to gather as much information as possible to get a good picture. As far as love goes, or cultural norms for that matter, one of the best sources would be personal experiences. I was wondering if people would be willing to send me their stories, their experiences and their ideas about what love is, what the norm is and if that norm is correct. I know that's a lot to ask but I would be very grateful. You can post a comment if you want or send me a personal message on my Facebook page if you don't want it to be public. If you have any questions, go ahead and send me a message as well. This book will contain a lot of personal opinion but it should, most of all, be a book for all of you.



And for those who are curious: a fun bit of science behind love.

How to get a date in a virgin state.

I have been single for about a year again now. Mostly I am very content with that. I need some time to sort things out for myself. Acting according to your true gender identity while you couldn't for a long time has effect on pretty much every aspect of your life. So you need a little you time. But, I do miss sex, even though it is a bit confusing right now.


People tell me I am (becoming) a pretty boy and they are sure I will find someone really soon. That's all great but also all theory, from them. Reality is different. When it comes to dating and having sex as a boy, or, hopefully, as a man even, I have zero experience. I am clueless. In a way you could say I am back to square one: a virgin. This may sound like an exaggeration but it doesn't make it any less true in my experience. When you talk to girls, or boys, as a girl, trying to get a date with them or anything like that, it's completely different from when doing that as a boy. There are different rules, different expectations. The things I used to do as a girl that would work just fine are now suddenly a no go. And I am clueless. And you'd think that I would know what a girl would like a guy to do when coming on to her, right? Well, there's the problem. I tried to pretend to be a girl, but I wasn't. So I have no clue what a girl would like to hear. I'm a guy, remember. I want a yes to mean yes and a no to mean no. I don't like playing games or beating around the bush. I don't chase. They say that when it comes to gay guys it's all very simple. They're very straight forward when it comes to courtship. But I'm not sure about that in my case. I mean, I don't have a penis but I do have boobs, and that kind of complicates things, doesn't it? If I was a gay guy, I would think twice about taking home a pre-treatment transsexual. After all, if girls don't turn you on and you are confronted with a female body, things could get complicated. So what does that leave me? Should I start screening for bisexuals instead of for just people that I like in general?


Say I actually do manage to take someone home. Sounds great. Then what? I still don't have a penis. A strap on could fix that problem. Still not a real penis so you always treat it differently. Plus, what if that person is actually attracted to vagina's? Am I comfortable with that? How does this all work?! I guess it would depend on who I am with, what they like and how comfortable I feel about that person doing certain things. There are so many options! And I really don't know what I would want and what not. I'm pretty conflicted about how I feel about my downstairs area at the moment. I've never had that before because I never questioned it before. What I had was what I had and that's what I used. But now what I have is not what I should have, so am I still comfortable using it? How much do I miss what I'm missing now that I am aware of the fact that I'm missing it? There is only one way to find out. By having sex. And I would really like to know. I am so curious about all this. But right now it seems like there is no way to find out because, I don't have a freaking pick up line. Help me out here people. How the hell does someone like me, in this state, get a date?


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