Going where no girl has gone before.

Diandra wrote:

Hey :) you probably get this question often but I would really like to know how it is to join "the other club"? Do people treat you differently now that you are a man on the outside too? Do you feel that you have access to areas you couldn't access before? Take care xxx

I have been out as transsexual for a bit over 2 years now so people have had plenty of time to get used to me being a guy. Changes happen gradually most of the time. Now I've had the surgery part of me feels like not much has changed as I was already living as a guy. There are differences in how people treat you when you're a guy. People are more direct when talking to you. I like that. I notice other guys are much more relaxed around me then before. Even though I had always been 'one of the guys' actually being one of the guys is different. I don't think they notice it themselves but men simply respond to the presence of a woman. Having been one, or at least having tried to pretend to be one, I can see what happens much more clearly then most guys. I noticed it again the other day when I was at a friends house to play RPG. There is one woman in the group. She was tucking in her son when I came in so it was just the guys sitting in the garden chatting. As soon as she joined the group you could see subtle changes in posture. Everyone adjusted the way they sat just a little bit, slightly more straight up. As if everyone was mentally tucking in their shirts. The fact that she is 'one of the guys' doesn't matter. She's still female and that makes all the difference. So that's not an actual physical space but it is in a way an area that I didn't have access to before. It's the mental space, the atmosphere men create when they are among themselves. 

The only example of a physical space I can think of is the men's room. Not just public toilets but also the locker room at the gym. When I joined a new gym in January I went into the men's locker room there for the first time. You can check out my blogpost about that. I was only at that gym for a few months and have now signed up at a different gym again because I missed the Les Mills classes too much. I thought a class with a friend there for a while some time ago so I do know some people there. No one batted an eye when I went into the men's room. As a transsexual you are much more aware of your own body then most people are. You're more aware of your own body then other people are in general I guess. A lot of people are insecure about stuff that other people don't notice because they are too busy with themselves as well. But since I've just had surgery I have 2 huge scars on my chest. Check out this link if you want to know what it looks like right now. Okay, they're not huge huge but they are very visible. No one paid any attention though. The only person who seemed a bit puzzled at my being there was the instructor whom I know. I guess he hadn't expected me to walk out of the shower. Yes, the shower. I gave it a lot of thought during my transition and I decided that I really do prefer showering at the gym after a class. If I just do fitness I don't mind showering at home but after a proper class I'm sweaty as hell and I don't want to have to walk home in wet socks if it's freezing. So I decided to take the plunge and go for it. This was the only thing I hadn't dared before. It seemed unacceptable to shower in the men's when I still had boobs but now I have had my surgery and even my passport has changed I figured I had every right to be there. So I did. And it was awkward as hell. But I'll just have to get used to it and so will the rest of the people in there. It does feel like a victory. You can't get more 'in' then this. 

So I guess that's it. I can go where all the boys go now and no longer where all the girls go. If I'd walk into the lady's right now they would kick me out and they would have every right to. I don't belong there. Never have really but now it really is a closed chapter. 

I'm not sure if this fully answers your question. If it doesn't feel free to ask more detail. 

How to get rid of love handles.

I get these type of questions all the time. I have fat there and there. How do I get rid of it? If I do crunches, do I get rid of my tummy fat? If I do chest presses, will my boobs disappear? Etc etc. People still seem to believe that they burn fat there where they are using their muscles. Alas, no such thing. It seems to make sense at first sight but if you look at things closer, there is something else going on.

Not all fat is just fat. Your body stores different types of fat in different places. It puts it in places where it makes sense to your body. If your liver is turning fructose into fats, then it makes sense to store those fats in that region. Other fats are stored to save for later, like the fat on ladies thighs and buttocks. That's the type of fat you want to build babies so you want to keep that for when you need it. There is a place, reason and purpose for everything. Just because you don't think it looks pretty, doesn't mean it's not functional.

I'm not saying you should be satisfied with a body you're not comfortable with. I'm just saying you need to work with what you have. Women will always be more likely to store fat in their lower regions and men around their waist. Those are things you need to accept. Also, some people are more inclined to lose weight in certain areas then others. Somehow I actually tend to lose fat on my thighs quicker then on my stomach even though my metabolism is still fully female. Don't ask me why. Of course, when I gain fat mass again that's also where it jumps right back on.

But if you can't target the zones where you want the fat to Go Away! what do you do? Just make the excess fat go away. If your body is healthy, fit and fully functional it should look good as well. What we define as looking good is looking healthy. I know, these days our ideals are a bit off, but they do represent what we need right now. When you look at the women Rubens painted, they were all plump. Why? Because it showed prosperity. Why? Because most people didn't have enough food to get plump. Right now obesity is the one of the leading causes of death. As a result we cling on to super skinny ideals because we are afraid of being overweight. But do we need to be super skinny? No, we don't. We need to be healthy. We need to find a middle ground between our realistic fears and our exaggerated ideals. Even the men on the cover of Men's Health are not realistic. It's not how real people look. It's not how you and I look. Those are people who spend all their time working on looking good. It's their job. And guess what, we don't have that job. We have other things to do. If you feel fit, healthy and able to do with your body what you want to do, there is a good chance you will like what you see in the mirror. If you don't, maybe you should think about why. Most likely there is some other area in your life that makes you feel like you need to compensate for that by looking extra attractive to others. Just saying..

But I want to get rid of my love handles! I hear you. I don't disagree with wanting to not have love handles. I'm still dreaming of a six-pack as well. But I've had a beef with my body since I was little. So what do we do?

First of all, you have to be patient. These things don't happen over night. We all know that but we tend to pretend that only applies to other people. It does not. I know, it sucks.

Second, we have to check what we eat. I hear people mention different percentages, usually between 60 and 80, of how much food helps with body composition. It varies per person but in essence this is true. More then half of your results come from what you eat. So you need to check that. The first thing people usually say when I tell them that is: so I should eat even less fat. And I respond: NOOOO!! Most likely you need to eat more fat. Good, healthy fats, like olive oil or coconut oil or avocado's or fish. If your body doesn't get enough of something it will cling on to every tiny bit it can for when the shit really hits the fan. It goes into starvation mode and will refuse to burn fat. So in order to get your body to start burning fat again, you need to reassure your body more fat is coming. This also goes for water by the way. If you don't drink enough you will get bloated because your body will cling on to the water it does get. Not good for your kidneys, among many other things. Drinking more water or (herbal) tea could result in losing several pounds even. As I mentioned before, your liver turns fructose into fat. So avoiding fructose would be a good idea. That does not mean not eating fruit. In fruit fructose is packed in fiber and doesn't enter the bloodstream that easily. You want to avoid the processed sugars like corn syrup and regular white sugar. For more on sugar check my blog post http: Why drinking 'fat coke' really is like drinking fat.

Third, exercise. Finally! So, how much cardio should you do? Should? I don't know. Do you like doing cardio? Then by all means, go ahead and do it. But if you don't like it and you're just doing it to lose weight, you can stop. It's okay. You can go ahead and get a barbell and start building a bit of muscle. You don't have to get huge. You just have to get lean. The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn, even when you are asleep. In the long run doing fitness will get you more result then doing endless cardio. Cardio burns what you have now. Muscle burns what you eat the rest of the day. If you do still want to do cardio, do it after your strength training. When you are pushing weights your body needs to energy stored in your muscles. If you already used that for cardio you will not get the best results. If you have done your strength training and then do cardio, there will be not carbs left in your muscles and your body will be more inclined to start burning fat. So it's beneficial both ways. On a side note: muscle is more dense so you may still weigh the same, but your waistline will have shrunk. The best way to measure your process is by your belt.

That's all I have for now. This should get you started. If you have any more questions, let me know. Good luck!

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Just a suggestion: deadlifts.

As a group fitness instructor I see a lot of people doing the same thing at the same time. That way you really notice the little differences, little variations people create to make things easier or because they don't fully understand what they should be doing and which muscles they should be using. There are things that I see happen over and over again so I decided to hand you a little tip, a suggestion if you will. Just one at a time so next time you're in your workout you don't have to think of a million things at the same time and can't get a single one right because it's too much.

Today my suggestion is on deadlifts. Keep your shoulder blades together. As you have an orange squeezed between them and don't want to lose it. Even when you tilt all the way forward, don't lose your orange! What happens if you drop your orange? You lose tension in your upper back and all the weight will be hanging from your shoulders, pulling at your joints. If you hold on to your orange your muscles will actively carry the weight and.... get stronger. Another thing that tends to happen if you drop your orange is something in your lower back. Your upper back and lower back are connected and if you change something in one place, the other will respond. Dropping your orange and letting your shoulders come forward often makes your lower back become round and in turn you will actually stretch those muscles instead of making them stronger. And of course your butt is connected to your lower back and your hamstrings are connected to your butt and there you have it. No result anywhere just because you dropped your orange. Isn't that a shame? So, next time you do your deadlifts, think of oranges.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you have any other suggestions, post them in the comments below so other people can read them as well. Thank you.

 

 

 

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