Two days ago I had another meeting with my gender therapist. Part of the screening is bring a friend day so I did. I brought my latest ex who I am still friends with and also work with. Currently he is one of my closest friends and we kind of helped each other discover who we are. Our friendship means a lot to me. My therapist had a few basic questions like how do you know each other, how would you describe your friendship, how do you feel about Tyler's transition and what do you actually notice about it. He did have to think quite a bit about the answers. Notice about the change? Not so much. Things make more sense and are more relaxed. He's right. It's true. Most of the time I don't really notice I'm transitioning when I'm around people. They still treat me the same mostly. They call me dude when they remember and some remember more often then others but they all try. Most of the guys I know are more laid back around me now which feels really good. The girls are all curious and want to know what's happening as if I am some sort of spy. It seems like the girls have more trouble no longer seeing me as one of them then the guys do accepting me. Funny how that works. I'm not sure why that is. Anyone have any insights on that? Feedback would be very welcome.
My therapist gave me the phone number of the psychiatrist I need to call for my second opinion. It was 5pm on Friday so I haven't been able to call yet but I will Monday morning. I only have to stop by for the last part of my life story, which should be done in one session, and the second opinion. And that's it. Then I should have the most coveted green light. I will get a letter for hormone therapy which I will have to send to the hospital and they will put me on next the waiting list. I checked again, it's still 8 weeks. This means I should be able to start hormone treatment in about June if all goes well.
Right now I'm not nervous because I am too tired. The IRS is coming over next week to check my books. I am still working on writing the training for the educators at the COC which turned out to be a lot more work then I thought. We had the first Trans*-café at the COC Leiden last night which I think was pretty successful for a first time with only 2 weeks notice. I am still waking up at 6:30 am every day and usually do get up early as I have plenty to do like teaching BodyPump this morning. I'm getting about 6 hours of sleep every night and doing that for a long time is getting to me. I still have a buckload of emails I need to look at but right now I can't focus on any of them. I'm going to try to sleep in tomorrow and see if I can stay in bed until 9am. In 2 weeks time I have crossed out my calendar so I can have some time for myself. Just the gym and some me time. Not even a nice cup of tea with someone cause this week I had social appointments with 14 people in total, some at the same time luckily. So if I say social stuff is fine I still won't have any me time at all. And I really do need this time because things are about to get seriously real really soon. I need to prepare mentally cause I'm not sure if I'm ready for this big change. I wake up with my heart racing most mornings and if I don't it takes about 5 minutes before it does. But my head is so full I don't know what's what anymore. Right now I'm going to take a short nap, have some diner and then go off to a friend's house to watch the new BodyPump DVD and eat chocolate. We deserve it.
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Showing posts with label Trans*-initiative. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trans*-initiative. Show all posts
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
GenderFreeZone 6th edition.
Last night the sixth edition of the GenderFreeZone took place at the COC Leiden. (If you want to know more about the COC and what I'm doing there, check this blog: It's official. ) It was the first one that took place under my supervision and I am proud to tell you it was a great success. We had asked someone to do a workshop on self-confidence and assertiveness. Rusz had done a workshop at the GFZ before but that was before my time. I had heard people really liked it so we had decided to invite her again. It turned out to be a good idea indeed. We had about a dozen people coming in which was a nice crowd. There was enough time for everyone to tell their stories and get some personal attention from Rusz. Actually the workshop ended about half an hour late because everyone was enjoying it so much. It felt like we could have continued talking for the rest of the night.
One of the things we all noticed was how much we all have in common. We had people in who were still exploring and were unsure of where they wanted to go, all the way up to people who had completed their transition from one gender to the other and pretty much everything in between. But we all had felt the isolation, the alienation, the struggles, the search, the long road of finding yourself. And we had all felt like freaks at some point and probably sometimes still do. But not that night. We were among equals, even though they were strangers mostly, and we knew we were safe. I was truly amazed at how open and forthcoming everyone was, how positive and supportive towards each other. You could sense people feeling stronger and stronger during the evening. It made me feel all warm inside, knowing I had helped to make that possible. I really can't wait until the next GFZ evening.
At the end of the evening I handed out feedback forms. I had only printed out 10 because I hadn't expected more people. I got back 8 so that's a pretty good score. The general consensus was that they were all very content and had enjoyed the evening. And also, that they wanted more. Once every 3 months doesn't cut it for them. I already knew that but having it in writing means I can go to the chief and tell him I need more time. I'm seeing him next week on a different matter but I can bring it up and see what happens. It would be great if we could get a GFZ café every month or even every 2 weeks or so. Which reminds me, I need to ask about the dates for the movies that will be playing. There should be a couple with a T theme in there so us T people can get together then too. All in all, there is work to be done and I am 100% confident that it will pay off. Let's get crackin'!
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One of the things we all noticed was how much we all have in common. We had people in who were still exploring and were unsure of where they wanted to go, all the way up to people who had completed their transition from one gender to the other and pretty much everything in between. But we all had felt the isolation, the alienation, the struggles, the search, the long road of finding yourself. And we had all felt like freaks at some point and probably sometimes still do. But not that night. We were among equals, even though they were strangers mostly, and we knew we were safe. I was truly amazed at how open and forthcoming everyone was, how positive and supportive towards each other. You could sense people feeling stronger and stronger during the evening. It made me feel all warm inside, knowing I had helped to make that possible. I really can't wait until the next GFZ evening.
At the end of the evening I handed out feedback forms. I had only printed out 10 because I hadn't expected more people. I got back 8 so that's a pretty good score. The general consensus was that they were all very content and had enjoyed the evening. And also, that they wanted more. Once every 3 months doesn't cut it for them. I already knew that but having it in writing means I can go to the chief and tell him I need more time. I'm seeing him next week on a different matter but I can bring it up and see what happens. It would be great if we could get a GFZ café every month or even every 2 weeks or so. Which reminds me, I need to ask about the dates for the movies that will be playing. There should be a couple with a T theme in there so us T people can get together then too. All in all, there is work to be done and I am 100% confident that it will pay off. Let's get crackin'!
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Thursday, November 29, 2012
It's official!
I have been working as the coordinator for the Trans*-initiative at the COC Leiden for a while now. By the way, COC stands for Cultuur- en Ontspannings Centrum: cultural and leisure center. So it has nothing to do with cock. Well, a little but not in that way.
As a lot of us know the T in GLBT has been neglected for a long time and now things are finally changing. The Trans*-initiative was started in 2011 but wasn't officially a division of the COC yet. Since last night, by vote of the members of the COC, it now is! This means the COC has now officially committed itself to promote the emancipation of transgenders in the region of Leiden. This is a great step forwards. It means we can start making long term plans and start collaborating with other, larger organizations and really get things done.
So far we have been organizing the GenderFreeZone evenings with a workshop and a party which is a great start as it is a meeting place for transgenders of all kinds to get to know each other, pick up a few skills, share their stories and see they are not alone. But this is only one evening every 3 months or so. This does not change our daily struggles when people look at us and don't know what to call us. Or call us names... So there is still a lot to be done. We have been in contact with the local university to see what we can do to help them to make things better for trans students there but this is all really fresh and it will still take some time before things will really change. The biggest challenge is to change how people think. That's something we can only do one person at a time, with patience and understanding. There needs to be more information available about what it means to be transgender. Not about the surgeries and the waitinglists. People don't care and it doesn't help them understand how we feel. It's all too technical. So we need to find a way to help people understand what it feels like to be different and to be judged for being different, while we don't even want to be different. We just want to be ourselves and to be loved for who we are.
If you have any ideas how we can make that happen, if you are experiencing problems because you are trans or if you know of people around you who are facing obstacles because of their gender issues, please let me know so maybe we can do something about this. We have an open meeting with the trans team this Tuesday (4th of December) at the COC Leiden at 8pm. Everyone of good will is welcome. For more information you can contact me at. Thank you very much.
https://www.facebook.com/TylerFokker
As a lot of us know the T in GLBT has been neglected for a long time and now things are finally changing. The Trans*-initiative was started in 2011 but wasn't officially a division of the COC yet. Since last night, by vote of the members of the COC, it now is! This means the COC has now officially committed itself to promote the emancipation of transgenders in the region of Leiden. This is a great step forwards. It means we can start making long term plans and start collaborating with other, larger organizations and really get things done.
So far we have been organizing the GenderFreeZone evenings with a workshop and a party which is a great start as it is a meeting place for transgenders of all kinds to get to know each other, pick up a few skills, share their stories and see they are not alone. But this is only one evening every 3 months or so. This does not change our daily struggles when people look at us and don't know what to call us. Or call us names... So there is still a lot to be done. We have been in contact with the local university to see what we can do to help them to make things better for trans students there but this is all really fresh and it will still take some time before things will really change. The biggest challenge is to change how people think. That's something we can only do one person at a time, with patience and understanding. There needs to be more information available about what it means to be transgender. Not about the surgeries and the waitinglists. People don't care and it doesn't help them understand how we feel. It's all too technical. So we need to find a way to help people understand what it feels like to be different and to be judged for being different, while we don't even want to be different. We just want to be ourselves and to be loved for who we are.
If you have any ideas how we can make that happen, if you are experiencing problems because you are trans or if you know of people around you who are facing obstacles because of their gender issues, please let me know so maybe we can do something about this. We have an open meeting with the trans team this Tuesday (4th of December) at the COC Leiden at 8pm. Everyone of good will is welcome. For more information you can contact me at. Thank you very much.
https://www.facebook.com/TylerFokker
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The Trans*-initiative needs your help!
Last night I was at the biannual meeting for the coordinators at the COC Leiden. The COC is a national organization that stands up for GLBT rights, provides a meeting place and organizes events and so on. It has done a lot of great work already and since about a month I am proud to be representing the local trans community by becoming the coordinator for the Trans*-initiative. The Trans*-initiative was started in 2010 and mostly consist of a GenderFreeZone evening which is a workshop on a trans related topic and then a party which is open to everyone to stimulate the integration between trans and non-trans people. Last Friday I supplied the workshop on how to change your body by using exercise and nutrition so it can represent more who you are inside and to become more healthy and mentally stable (those 2 are linked in a way most people don't realize). The workshop went really well and, despite the rain, was well visited. Also the party was a great success. It was wonderful to see so many non-trans people showing up as well to show their support.
Even though I prefer to be optimistic, I also need to be realistic. Having between 10 and 20 people visiting the workshop is not as many as should be possible. When you consider the size of this city and the fact that this is the only meeting place for trans people in the region it's not a lot. There are so many others out there that we're not reaching. I know my personal network is limited but I am hoping others will help me use their networks as well so I can reach more people to invite them to these workshops. They are valuable, even if it's just to meet others and see you're not alone. So many of us do feel lonely even though we don't have to. I would greatly appreciate it if you would go to our page: https://www.facebook.com/cocleiden?fref=ts and like us and share the events on there. We are trying really hard to provide information and help, a sanctuary if you will even, but we can only do that if we can reach people. Your help would mean a lot.
The other thing I discussed during the meeting last night was educating people on transgenderism. Firstly the people who we send out to schools to talk about diversity, discrimination and GLBT issues. I have been getting the same questions from my GLB friends as my straight friends. This shows people are people which is good, but, it also shows that, even if you are part of the GLBT community, information is not that easy to come by. We are working on gathering information and setting up workshops for the volunteers of the educational program first as they go out into the world spreading the information even further. Once that is done we want to set up a workshop for other people who are interested but don't know where to look for information. So my question to you is: what would you like to know? What do you think we should put in the workshop? And if you are a transgender, what do you think is important to tell people? We have some ideas but it's just a small team and the more people think about this the better. So I could really use your input. Please leave me a comment below and I will make a summery at some point. Of course, when the time comes and the workshop is ready I'll let you know when, what and where.
Many thanks!
Even though I prefer to be optimistic, I also need to be realistic. Having between 10 and 20 people visiting the workshop is not as many as should be possible. When you consider the size of this city and the fact that this is the only meeting place for trans people in the region it's not a lot. There are so many others out there that we're not reaching. I know my personal network is limited but I am hoping others will help me use their networks as well so I can reach more people to invite them to these workshops. They are valuable, even if it's just to meet others and see you're not alone. So many of us do feel lonely even though we don't have to. I would greatly appreciate it if you would go to our page: https://www.facebook.com/cocleiden?fref=ts and like us and share the events on there. We are trying really hard to provide information and help, a sanctuary if you will even, but we can only do that if we can reach people. Your help would mean a lot.
The other thing I discussed during the meeting last night was educating people on transgenderism. Firstly the people who we send out to schools to talk about diversity, discrimination and GLBT issues. I have been getting the same questions from my GLB friends as my straight friends. This shows people are people which is good, but, it also shows that, even if you are part of the GLBT community, information is not that easy to come by. We are working on gathering information and setting up workshops for the volunteers of the educational program first as they go out into the world spreading the information even further. Once that is done we want to set up a workshop for other people who are interested but don't know where to look for information. So my question to you is: what would you like to know? What do you think we should put in the workshop? And if you are a transgender, what do you think is important to tell people? We have some ideas but it's just a small team and the more people think about this the better. So I could really use your input. Please leave me a comment below and I will make a summery at some point. Of course, when the time comes and the workshop is ready I'll let you know when, what and where.
Many thanks!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Doing my part.
The other day I was on my way to work and a feeling of sadness came over me. At first I wasn't sure why but I felt really lonely. And I realized that, in a way, I am lonely.
A friend of mine told me the other day her boyfriend wanted to be a Hell's Angel because it would force respect. But it also makes you an outsider, it makes people look at you in a certain light. They judge you without knowing anything about you. He had said he didn't care. If he wouldn't get a job because of it, or would be refused entrance somewhere, it would be worth it for him. It made me angry. Because I am an outsider and people judge me without knowing me and I don't have a choice. He does. It's easy to be okay with stuff like that if you have a choice.
People have been telling me they think I'm brave for doing this. For being a transgender. It seems absurd. How can being who you are be a brave thing to do? It shouldn't have to be. But it is. At first, with all the positive reaction from my friends I had the illusion it might not be as hard as I had expected. But the blow was still to come. And it comes now, soft and slowly, but still possibly deadly. That feeling of loneliness, of isolation, has not disappeared. It's still there. I ignore it most of the time because it keeps me from doing the things I should do, but it's still there. I know it might never go away because it contains a truth. People don't understand. They don't know. I'm not sure if I could ever explain this to them. Part of me doesn't want to have to. I shouldn't have to. You don't need to explain being born black, or tall, or smart or stupid. It's just the way you are. People accept that. Mostly anyway. That is, they accept the fact that you are that way. They might not accept the fact that it doesn't mean you are less then they are. But still, they accept the fact that you can't help being like that. You were born that way. But being trans is something you are born with as well. It's a result of the amount of testosterone you got when you were 6-8 weeks in your mother's womb. A brain development. End of story. But somehow people are not willing to accept that. People act like I have a choice. I do, in a way. I can chose to deny who I really am and be miserable for the rest of my life. That's the only other thing I can do. Not much of a choice is it? So why should I have to be brave? Why do I have to be judged for being different? It's not a choice. I never wanted to be a transgender. I denied it for 33 years and it just wouldn't go away. I can't help it. And now I'm being brave for admitting it? You might state I'm being brave for exposing myself to ignorant people who will treat me poorly or even badly because of it. But pretending I'm something I'm not and not cracking up while people treat me according to my mask is even harder. The suicide rate among transgenders is shockingly, but not surprisingly, high. Living the lie seems to be the hardest thing there is. Much harder then being discriminated, ridiculed and sometimes even prosecuted.
So what to do? What can I do? How much of a difference can one man make? Sometimes I think very little. But JFK said: “One person can make a difference and every person should try.” If you don't try, you don't know if you are that person that will make a difference. So I guess I should try.
Today I came across this link: http://www.cocleiden.nl/nieuws/gezocht-cooerdinator-van-het-trans-initiatief
I sent an email to apply for the job. It's a volunteer job and it's not like I'm not busy and my life isn't hectic enough as it is but I feel like this is just what I need right now. I hope I'll get it. Wish me luck.
A friend of mine told me the other day her boyfriend wanted to be a Hell's Angel because it would force respect. But it also makes you an outsider, it makes people look at you in a certain light. They judge you without knowing anything about you. He had said he didn't care. If he wouldn't get a job because of it, or would be refused entrance somewhere, it would be worth it for him. It made me angry. Because I am an outsider and people judge me without knowing me and I don't have a choice. He does. It's easy to be okay with stuff like that if you have a choice.
People have been telling me they think I'm brave for doing this. For being a transgender. It seems absurd. How can being who you are be a brave thing to do? It shouldn't have to be. But it is. At first, with all the positive reaction from my friends I had the illusion it might not be as hard as I had expected. But the blow was still to come. And it comes now, soft and slowly, but still possibly deadly. That feeling of loneliness, of isolation, has not disappeared. It's still there. I ignore it most of the time because it keeps me from doing the things I should do, but it's still there. I know it might never go away because it contains a truth. People don't understand. They don't know. I'm not sure if I could ever explain this to them. Part of me doesn't want to have to. I shouldn't have to. You don't need to explain being born black, or tall, or smart or stupid. It's just the way you are. People accept that. Mostly anyway. That is, they accept the fact that you are that way. They might not accept the fact that it doesn't mean you are less then they are. But still, they accept the fact that you can't help being like that. You were born that way. But being trans is something you are born with as well. It's a result of the amount of testosterone you got when you were 6-8 weeks in your mother's womb. A brain development. End of story. But somehow people are not willing to accept that. People act like I have a choice. I do, in a way. I can chose to deny who I really am and be miserable for the rest of my life. That's the only other thing I can do. Not much of a choice is it? So why should I have to be brave? Why do I have to be judged for being different? It's not a choice. I never wanted to be a transgender. I denied it for 33 years and it just wouldn't go away. I can't help it. And now I'm being brave for admitting it? You might state I'm being brave for exposing myself to ignorant people who will treat me poorly or even badly because of it. But pretending I'm something I'm not and not cracking up while people treat me according to my mask is even harder. The suicide rate among transgenders is shockingly, but not surprisingly, high. Living the lie seems to be the hardest thing there is. Much harder then being discriminated, ridiculed and sometimes even prosecuted.
So what to do? What can I do? How much of a difference can one man make? Sometimes I think very little. But JFK said: “One person can make a difference and every person should try.” If you don't try, you don't know if you are that person that will make a difference. So I guess I should try.
Today I came across this link: http://www.cocleiden.nl/nieuws/gezocht-cooerdinator-van-het-trans-initiatief
I sent an email to apply for the job. It's a volunteer job and it's not like I'm not busy and my life isn't hectic enough as it is but I feel like this is just what I need right now. I hope I'll get it. Wish me luck.
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