Coming Out Day 2013

Last Friday was Coming Out Day. Here is a short summery of Coming Out Day in Leiden, The Netherlands. The text is in Dutch. I'm proud to be part of this organization.

The idea is to raise awareness and help create a safer environment for LGBT people. Some of you may wonder, do we need to? I happened to be at a school that day to talk to the kids about discrimination, being different, and LGBT issues. According to the statistics there should be close to 100 gay students at that school. They knew about 4. Of course at that age a lot of people are not aware yet that they are gay. During puberty there is a lot to explore and sexuality is only on aspect of your personal development during that age.

The stereotypes we see in the media don't help. I still can't think of any Disney movie that has a gay main character. Most gay people in tv shows are quite extreme. Else it doesn't make good tv, right? But that is what people see and think they should be if they are gay. Most of us LGB and even T people don't stand out like that. Most of us are really boring to be honest. We are normal. We just happen to love someone we can't reproduce with. Though luck. But those kids don't know that yet. They don't know gay people are normal and can have any shape possible, just like the rest of the world.

When I was growing up I somehow had this idea that a transsexual was a desperate gay man who wanted to be with another man so much he was willing to give up his penis in order to get it. Crazy of course, but that's what I thought. So there was no way I would apply the idea of transexuality to myself. It took me 33 years to figure out that transsexuals can go from female to male as well and, yes, I am one too. I was surprised when I found out. Me? Really? But I'm... Okay, I might not be the most boring person on the planet but I'm not some deranged freak, right? Right. I'm not. And most other trans or gay people aren't either. I was actually a bit shocked to realize I had been thinking that way. That someone like me, who considered himself open minded and gay friendly would still hold on to such backwards stereotypes. But I did. Because I didn't know it could be different. And I'm not the only one who has this problem. That's why education is so important.

Around that age about half of the kids have figured it out though. They do know they are gay but choose not to come out. Why? They don't feel safe. They are afraid they will be treated differently on grounds that are not relevant to the situation. Yes, that's the definition of discrimination. To treat someone differently on grounds that are not relevant. They are afraid they will be bullied, they will be cast out. Some of the kids respond there is no need to be afraid, that the kids who did come out aren't being bullied either so they should be fine too. But it's not that simple. Because someone in a different class who is a few years older doesn't get picked on doesn't mean you'll be fine. It also doesn't mean your parents are going to be okay with it. Or the kids at soccer. Etc. Education starts at school, but safety is much bigger then that. I'm hoping we can educate the next generations and wipe out homophobia that way but it will take time. What I do know is that there are a whole bunch of kids right now that know that transsexuals are not just desperate, deranged gay men but look just like normal people. I hope I will have helped at least one person to come to terms with who they are just a bit easier and in less then 33 years time. I know my life would have been quite different if we had had Coming Out Day when I was growing up.

If you live in or near Leiden and you want to be part of the movement we are actively looking for more people to help us educate the next generations. More details here.

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Boxer shorts and kilts. Male emancipation.

Working as a volunteer for COC Leiden on the educational program I find myself confronted with a classroom full of 15 year old children. In most cases these kids have no idea what my life looks like and the struggle transgenders have been going through for so long. Some of them honestly don't understand why it should be such a problem. Others find it all very odd and don't see how it relates to their world. But being transgender can happen to anyone. People are trying to show that transsexuals are more intelligent then the averaged person. I seriously doubt that's true. It could be that people with a lower IQ simply don't understand what the problem is or don't have the means to express themselves or the means to actually do something about their situation and therefor decide to stay the way they are because they don't seem to have a choice. Genderdysphoria hits all parts of society equally.


But that doesn't make it any stranger to those kids. Why would a guy want to wear a skirt? One day, standing in front of a class, I was tempted to say: I wear boxer shorts too, nobody thinks that's weird. I realized how odd it was to say that, being a female to male transgender. And then it hit me. Even if I was a real girl, it would still be okay for me to wear boy's undies. But the other way around, it wasn't okay. I told them this was silly. That boys should be allowed to wear girl's clothes if girls were allowed to wear boy's clothes like trousers and boxer shorts. Yes, trousers. It wasn't too long ago that a girl would get beaten by her own mother for wearing trousers. And now we think it's completely normal. But boys still can't wear skirts. Marilyn Manson once said that Robert Smith (the Cure) made it okay for boys to wear lipstick. I wish that was really true. Fact is, if a regular boy, not someone famous or who works in entertainment, wears lipstick out on the street, and not on a stage, he will most likely get beaten up. The only time a boy can wear a skirt outside is when it is a kilt, which is Scottish battle clothing. But even then, it is worn as a statement, and people look and point.

Going from girl to boy, from Venus to Mars, I have noticed there are things I suddenly can't do anymore. Like wearing a skirt or make up if I want to. Those things are just not done. Suddenly the things I say that were labeled as strong and independent being said by a woman, were found rude and offensive when said as a man. I find myself needing to sensor myself, not because of what I say or even how I say it, because I would have said it the same way as a woman, but because I am male. Women are expected to stand up for themselves, to fight for their rights. Men are expected to already have rights and should not claim them because by claiming their rights they are automatically suppressing women. Really? It would seem so. I find it all very strange. It seems to me like men are even more stuck in their gender role then women are. Remember people asked me why I couldn't just be a masculine woman or a tomboy because that would be easier? It would be easier. A lot! Mostly because you don't lose the rights you have as a woman. I had no idea how limited men are in their personal expression until I started living as one. Being a masculine woman means getting more freedom and being able to make your own choices. Being a feminine man means losing your rights as a man and not gaining the rights of women. Women have been fighting to gain the rights of men and have succeeded on many levels, though the fight is still far from over. I wish them all the best, I really do. It made my life a lot easier while I was still trying to live as a woman. But men have hardly started the battle to gain the rights of women. Every now and then a man stands up and raises his fist, but it doesn't seem to stick.


Maybe men are afraid that when they try to gain women's rights they will lose their own rights and will be left with nothing. As a transman it's even more difficult because you feel you have to prove your manhood. You have to compensate for not having a penis. And if you do decide to wear a bit of make up every now and then suddenly you are not trans enough and not a 'real' transsexual. Again, something that seems very silly to me and a lot of people agree it is silly indeed. But I don't see a lot of people standing up for this. A lot of transsexuals are afraid that people will think they are actually transvestites when they hold on to some habits that are linked to their old gender. This does happen and does not help at all. Maybe we should all pay less attention to what we all 'should do' and pay more attention to ourselves, who we really are and how we want to express ourselves, no matter what the rest of the world thinks. Though maybe not while we are walking the dog late in the evening... I know there is a fair chance of getting beaten up over this, but I'd rather stand up for what I believe in and get a few bruises then continue to live in shame. Who's with me?




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I'm almost done with my screening.

 Two days ago I had another meeting with my gender therapist. Part of the screening is bring a friend day so I did. I brought my latest ex who I am still friends with and also work with. Currently he is one of my closest friends and we kind of helped each other discover who we are. Our friendship means a lot to me. My therapist had a few basic questions like how do you know each other, how would you describe your friendship, how do you feel about Tyler's transition and what do you actually notice about it. He did have to think quite a bit about the answers. Notice about the change? Not so much. Things make more sense and are more relaxed. He's right. It's true. Most of the time I don't really notice I'm transitioning when I'm around people. They still treat me the same mostly. They call me dude when they remember and some remember more often then others but they all try. Most of the guys I know are more laid back around me now which feels really good. The girls are all curious and want to know what's happening as if I am some sort of spy. It seems like the girls have more trouble no longer seeing me as one of them then the guys do accepting me. Funny how that works. I'm not sure why that is. Anyone have any insights on that? Feedback would be very welcome.


My therapist gave me the phone number of the psychiatrist I need to call for my second opinion. It was 5pm on Friday so I haven't been able to call yet but I will Monday morning. I only have to stop by for the last part of my life story, which should be done in one session, and the second opinion. And that's it. Then I should have the most coveted green light. I will get a letter for hormone therapy which I will have to send to the hospital and they will put me on next the waiting list. I checked again, it's still 8 weeks. This means I should be able to start hormone treatment in about June if all goes well.


Right now I'm not nervous because I am too tired. The IRS is coming over next week to check my books. I am still working on writing the training for the educators at the COC which turned out to be a lot more work then I thought. We had the first Trans*-café at the COC Leiden last night which I think was pretty successful for a first time with only 2 weeks notice. I am still waking up at 6:30 am every day and usually do get up early as I have plenty to do like teaching BodyPump this morning. I'm getting about 6 hours of sleep every night and doing that for a long time is getting to me. I still have a buckload of emails I need to look at but right now I can't focus on any of them. I'm going to try to sleep in tomorrow and see if I can stay in bed until 9am. In 2 weeks time I have crossed out my calendar so I can have some time for myself. Just the gym and some me time. Not even a nice cup of tea with someone cause this week I had social appointments with 14 people in total, some at the same time luckily. So if I say social stuff is fine I still won't have any me time at all. And I really do need this time because things are about to get seriously real really soon. I need to prepare mentally cause I'm not sure if I'm ready for this big change. I wake up with my heart racing most mornings and if I don't it takes about 5 minutes before it does. But my head is so full I don't know what's what anymore. Right now I'm going to take a short nap, have some diner and then go off to a friend's house to watch the new BodyPump DVD and eat chocolate. We deserve it.


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Strike a pose.

I have been in a horrible mood all day. I wasn't in such a great mood yesterday either. This usually has a reason. It usually means I'm upset about something but can't put my finger on it. First I thought it had something to do with the (lack of) communication with some of the people I'm working with in various ways but now I'm thinking that's ticking me off more then usual because something else is upsetting me. This morning I had to teach BodyPump and usually after a good workout, and being able to yell at people for a bit, I feel much better. Not today. On my way home I still felt like punching people in the face at random. Clearly a bad sign. Then I remembered the dream I had last night.


I dream a lot. Every night. I know, I know, everyone dreams several times every night. But I'm one of those people that remembers a lot of them. Every morning I wake up thinking something like: wow, that was weird/exhausting/freaky/interesting/etc. And usually all of those things apply to the same dream. I don't get a lot of rest at night it seems. It's a good thing that one of the functions of dreaming is clearing your head. It puts things in a different perspective. So this dream I had last night, what about it?
It was a relatively uneventful dream. At some point I was in a tunnel under a building which ended at the bottom of a well but that's probably from the introduction to the book I am reading (The I Tjing/book of change, introduction by Jung). The building was a school building and I had enrolled. To get your pass or something you had to have your photo taken and we were all waiting around for that to happen. I was there with a bunch of other people. Some I had been to school with before, others were strangers. One of my oldest friends started showing people these old photo's of us together at a different school. It freaked me out. They were all wrong. There was something about the composition which was horrible and the image looked distorted. I told him I did not want to be associated with those photo's. They felt wrong, just wrong.

So what does this mean? It is very very simple. This afternoon all the volunteers at COC Leiden have to have their picture taken for PR purposes. Members of the board and coordinators are expected to be there. Everyone else can come if they want to but they don't have to. So, I have recently joined this organization (the school), and they are taking pictures today to show to the world. I haven't started my physical treatment yet. If you put me in a suit I look like 12. I am extremely uncomfortable with my body at this point in my life. And they want to take a photo and show it to the world. Oh my. And I have nothing to wear!


In a way this is nothing new. I have always had trouble facing the mirror. I didn't have anorexia because I had the illusion it could make me pretty. I was never comfortable with my body. Right now, being aware of that the problem really is, doesn't help much. In a way it makes things worse. I know which parts of my body I dislike and why, but there is nothing I can do about it. I get confronted with it every day. Every morning when I wake up and get dressed and every other time I change clothes. When I walk into the class room at the gym with the big mirrors. When I demonstrate a move during the BodyPump. When my boobs get in the way when I do Kung Fu. When I'm doing the dishes and I notice I'm tilting my hips back again. When I'm walking down the street and see someone looking at me. When I meet new artists at the gallery for the first time and wonder if they will file me under male or female now they have seen me. These are things other people don't see. How could they? It all happens inside my head. So they are not aware of the fact that this whole 'body not fitting the person inside thing' is a 24/7 thing. You take it everywhere you go. I really can't wait to start my physical changes. I hope one day I will be able to look in the mirror and see me. Until that day all I can do is strike a pose and smile and try not to think about it so much. And keep in mind that, maybe, one day, things should get better.

I still have 2 hours to figure out what to wear. Wish me luck.


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Another one bites the dust. (suicide)

Last week the body of a 13 year of boy was found in the woods near an adjacent town. The sister of a friend of mine went to the same school as he did. 2 steps away. So close but still a total stranger. Even though I didn't know him it still shook me. The death of a 13 year old child is never a good thing. Immediately people started speculating what had happened. Murder or suicide? I talked to several people about this. I was told that he was a singular boy, quite different from other children his age, and,therefor, was bullied. There were also speculations on whether or not he was gay. But, there were also a lot of witnesses who claimed they saw him going into the woods with a man. I heard the boy was covered in bruises and therefor it must be murder. That he had bruises in his neck that looked like he had been choked. I don't know if that is true. All I know is that, 2 days ago, the police confirmed it was a suicide. His mother and sister are getting support. There was no mention of help being provided for his father who claimed it was impossible that it was suicide.


I don't know what really happened but fact remains that a young boy felt he had no other option then to end his life. I remember when I was 13 and felt the same way. I was about that age when a girl at my school committed suicide. I didn't know her well, only spoke to her a few times, but respected her greatly. She was one of the first openly lesbian girls I ever met. When she died part of me felt sad, because I didn't believe the world was a better place without her. Part of me felt angry, because the world had failed to help her. Part of me felt jealous, because she had done something I had thought about a lot but never had the courage to do. And part of me felt a little proud of her for being brave enough to take control over her own death and with that her life like that.


About 20 years later another one bites the dust. And I don't know why. I made it. I'm okay now, mostly. I don't consider suicide an option anymore though sometimes I regret not having succeeded at it because life can still get to me. At times like this it does. I know I'm not the only one.


"The Suicide Prevention Resource Center synthesized these studies and estimated that between 30 and 40% of LGBT youth, depending on age and sex groups, have attempted suicide." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_among_LGBT_youth

I find these statistics staggering. That many? Really? Of course, I don't know for sure if this boy was gay. I didn't know him. But LGBT youths are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide then heterosexual youths. Those are the odds. You do the math.


The COC that I have told you about has an education program. They provide a sort of workshop at schools to teach about diversity, bullying and LGBT issues. The Trans*-initiative will be providing a training for the educators on trans issues so I decided to come along and see how it works, how the kids respond, what kind of questions they have etc. so I knew what the educators are facing when standing in front of a class. It was an amazing experience. In the end someone always tells his/her own story so I decided to step up right away as the kids had loads of questions concerning transgenders. The kids were great! I was really blown away. I had so much fun. It felt great. I felt like I had done something worthwhile that would help make this world a better place. But clearly, it was not enough. I don't blame myself for the death of this one child. I blame all of us for the deaths of so many children. We say we have come a long way in accepting people who are different. That's great. But it doesn't help these kids that are getting bullied for bing different, these kids that are not being accepted by their own parents, these kids that feel like they have no place in this world. 20 years of progress and still a family has to bury their son, their brother because this boy did not feel safe, did not feel loved, did not feel strong enough to fight this immense force around him that would not accept him for who he was.


This may sound silly but I have literally cried for this boy. Not just for him, for all of us. And I probably will cry every time I hear something like this has happened. I hope this doesn't mean I will continue to cry the rest of my life. I know I'm not the only one who is upset about this. We all should be. But what do we do? The kids at his school are wearing colored pants for a few weeks, because he used to do so. They have no idea what kind of hypocrites that makes them. And how pointless it is if they don't change the way they treat each other. We need to educate our children. To be able to do that, we need to educate ourselves and ask ourselves some tough questions. Are you really open to people who are different from you? Do you accept and respect other people? Do you? Really? Or do you judge them behind their backs and think they won't notice? Are you being honest with yourself on this? Do you practice what you preach? The only way we can change this world is by first being honest with ourselves, change what we need to, and then help others gather the information they need to be able to find acceptance of and respect for those who are different from them.


If you feel like you want to do something more and have the time, check the website to become a volunteer and help educating our children: http://www.cocleiden.nl/nieuws/voorlichtsters-gezocht. One person CAN make a difference. Why shouldn't it be you?


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GenderFreeZone 6th edition.

Last night the sixth edition of the GenderFreeZone took place at the COC Leiden. (If you want to know more about the COC and what I'm doing there, check this blog: It's official. ) It was the first one that took place under my supervision and I am proud to tell you it was a great success. We had asked someone to do a workshop on self-confidence and assertiveness. Rusz had done a workshop at the GFZ before but that was before my time. I had heard people really liked it so we had decided to invite her again. It turned out to be a good idea indeed. We had about a dozen people coming in which was a nice crowd. There was enough time for everyone to tell their stories and get some personal attention from Rusz. Actually the workshop ended about half an hour late because everyone was enjoying it so much. It felt like we could have continued talking for the rest of the night.


One of the things we all noticed was how much we all have in common. We had people in who were still exploring and were unsure of where they wanted to go, all the way up to people who had completed their transition from one gender to the other and pretty much everything in between. But we all had felt the isolation, the alienation, the struggles, the search, the long road of finding yourself. And we had all felt like freaks at some point and probably sometimes still do. But not that night. We were among equals, even though they were strangers mostly, and we knew we were safe. I was truly amazed at how open and forthcoming everyone was, how positive  and supportive towards each other. You could sense people feeling stronger and stronger during the evening. It made me feel all warm inside, knowing I had helped to make that possible. I really can't wait until the next GFZ evening.


At the end of the evening I handed out feedback forms. I had only printed out 10 because I hadn't expected more people. I got back 8 so that's a pretty good score. The general consensus was that they were all very content and had enjoyed the evening. And also, that they wanted more. Once every 3 months doesn't cut it for them. I already knew that but having it in writing means I can go to the chief and tell him I need more time. I'm seeing him next week on a different matter but I can bring it up and see what happens. It would be great if we could get a GFZ café every month or even every 2 weeks or so. Which reminds me, I need to ask about the dates for the movies that will be playing. There should be a couple with a T theme in there so us T people can get together then too. All in all, there is work to be done and I am 100% confident that it will pay off. Let's get crackin'!


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It's official!

I have been working as the coordinator for the Trans*-initiative at the COC Leiden for a while now. By the way, COC stands for Cultuur- en Ontspannings Centrum: cultural and leisure center. So it has nothing to do with cock. Well, a little but not in that way.

As a lot of us know the T in GLBT has been neglected for a long time and now things are finally changing. The Trans*-initiative was started in 2011 but wasn't officially a division of the COC yet. Since last night, by vote of the members of the COC, it now is! This means the COC has now officially committed itself to promote the emancipation of transgenders in the region of Leiden. This is a great step forwards. It means we can start making long term plans and start collaborating with other, larger organizations and really get things done.

So far we have been organizing the GenderFreeZone evenings with a workshop and a party which is a great start as it is a meeting place for transgenders of all kinds to get to know each other, pick up a few skills, share their stories and see they are not alone. But this is only one evening every 3 months or so. This does not change our daily struggles when people look at us and don't know what to call us. Or call us names... So there is still a lot to be done. We have been in contact with the local university to see what we can do to help them to make things better for trans students there but this is all really fresh and it will still take some time before things will really change. The biggest challenge is to change how people think. That's something we can only do one person at a time, with patience and understanding. There needs to be more information available about what it means to be transgender. Not about the surgeries and the waitinglists. People don't care and it doesn't help them understand how we feel. It's all too technical. So we need to find a way to help people understand what it feels like to be different and to be judged for being different, while we don't even want to be different. We just want to be ourselves and to be loved for who we are.

If you have any ideas how we can make that happen, if you are experiencing problems because you are trans or if you know of people around you who are facing obstacles because of their gender issues, please let me know so maybe we can do something about this. We have an open meeting with the trans team this Tuesday (4th of December) at the COC Leiden at 8pm. Everyone of good will is welcome. For more information you can contact me at genderfreezone@cocleiden.nl. Thank you very much.

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The Trans*-initiative needs your help!

Last night I was at the biannual meeting for the coordinators at the COC Leiden. The COC is a national organization that stands up for GLBT rights, provides a meeting place and organizes events and so on. It has done a lot of great work already and since about a month I am proud to be representing the local trans community by becoming the coordinator for the Trans*-initiative. The Trans*-initiative was started in 2010 and mostly consist of a GenderFreeZone evening which is a workshop on a trans related topic and then a party which is open to everyone to stimulate the integration between trans and non-trans people. Last Friday I supplied the workshop on how to change your body by using exercise and nutrition so it can represent more who you are inside and to become more healthy and mentally stable (those 2 are linked in a way most people don't realize). The workshop went really well and, despite the rain, was well visited. Also the party was a great success. It was wonderful to see so many non-trans people showing up as well to show their support.
Even though I prefer to be optimistic, I also need to be realistic. Having between 10 and 20 people visiting the workshop is not as many as should be possible. When you consider the size of this city and the fact that this is the only meeting place for trans people in the region it's not a lot. There are so many others out there that we're not reaching. I know my personal network is limited but I am hoping others will help me use their networks as well so I can reach more people to invite them to these workshops. They are valuable, even if it's just to meet others and see you're not alone. So many of us do feel lonely even though we don't have to. I would greatly appreciate it if you would go to our page: https://www.facebook.com/cocleiden?fref=ts and like us and share the events on there. We are trying really hard to provide information and help, a sanctuary if you will even, but we can only do that if we can reach people. Your help would mean a lot.
The other thing I discussed during the meeting last night was educating people on transgenderism. Firstly the people who we send out to schools to talk about diversity, discrimination and GLBT issues. I have been getting the same questions from my GLB friends as my straight friends. This shows people are people which is good, but, it also shows that, even if you are part of the GLBT community, information is not that easy to come by. We are working on gathering information and setting up workshops for the volunteers of the educational program first as they go out into the world spreading the information even further. Once that is done we want to set up a workshop for other people who are interested but don't know where to look for information. So my question to you is: what would you like to know? What do you think we should put in the workshop? And if you are a transgender, what do you think is important to tell people? We have some ideas but it's just a small team and the more people think about this the better. So I could really use your input. Please leave me a comment below and I will make a summery at some point. Of course, when the time comes and the workshop is ready I'll let you know when, what and where.
Many thanks!

Doing my part.

The other day I was on my way to work and a feeling of sadness came over me. At first I wasn't sure why but I felt really lonely. And I realized that, in a way, I am lonely.

A friend of mine told me the other day her boyfriend wanted to be a Hell's Angel because it would force respect. But it also makes you an outsider, it makes people look at you in a certain light. They judge you without knowing anything about you. He had said he didn't care. If he wouldn't get a job because of it, or would be refused entrance somewhere, it would be worth it for him. It made me angry. Because I am an outsider and people judge me without knowing me and I don't have a choice. He does. It's easy to be okay with stuff like that if you have a choice.


People have been telling me they think I'm brave for doing this. For being a transgender. It seems absurd. How can being who you are be a brave thing to do? It shouldn't have to be. But it is. At first, with all the positive reaction from my friends I had the illusion it might not be as hard as I had expected. But the blow was still to come. And it comes now, soft and slowly, but still possibly deadly. That feeling of loneliness, of isolation, has not disappeared. It's still there. I ignore it most of the time because it keeps me from doing the things I should do, but it's still there. I know it might never go away because it contains a truth. People don't understand. They don't know. I'm not sure if I could ever explain this to them. Part of me doesn't want to have to. I shouldn't have to. You don't need to explain being born black, or tall, or smart or stupid. It's just  the way you are. People accept that. Mostly anyway. That is, they accept the fact that you are that way. They might not accept the fact that it doesn't mean you are less then they are. But still, they accept the fact that you can't help being like that. You were born that way. But being trans is something you are born with as well. It's a result of the amount of testosterone you got when you were 6-8 weeks in your mother's womb. A brain development. End of story. But somehow people are not willing to accept that. People act like I have a choice. I do, in a way. I can chose to deny who I really am and be miserable for the rest of my life. That's the only other thing I can do. Not much of a choice is it? So why should I have to be brave? Why do I have to be judged for being different? It's not a choice. I never wanted to be a transgender. I denied it for 33 years and it just wouldn't go away. I can't help it. And now I'm being brave for admitting it? You might state I'm being brave for exposing myself to ignorant people who will treat me poorly or even badly because of it. But pretending I'm something I'm not and not cracking up while people treat me according to my mask is even harder. The suicide rate among transgenders is shockingly, but not surprisingly, high. Living the lie seems to be the hardest thing there is. Much harder then being discriminated, ridiculed and sometimes even prosecuted.



So what to do? What can I do? How much of a difference can one man make? Sometimes I think very little. But JFK said: “One person can make a difference and every person should try.” If you don't try, you don't know if you are that person that will make a difference. So I guess I should try.
Today I came across this link: http://www.cocleiden.nl/nieuws/gezocht-cooerdinator-van-het-trans-initiatief

I sent an email to apply for the job. It's a volunteer job and it's not like I'm not busy and my life isn't hectic enough as it is but I feel like this is just what I need right now. I hope I'll get it. Wish me luck.