Coming Out Day 2013

Last Friday was Coming Out Day. Here is a short summery of Coming Out Day in Leiden, The Netherlands. The text is in Dutch. I'm proud to be part of this organization.

The idea is to raise awareness and help create a safer environment for LGBT people. Some of you may wonder, do we need to? I happened to be at a school that day to talk to the kids about discrimination, being different, and LGBT issues. According to the statistics there should be close to 100 gay students at that school. They knew about 4. Of course at that age a lot of people are not aware yet that they are gay. During puberty there is a lot to explore and sexuality is only on aspect of your personal development during that age.

The stereotypes we see in the media don't help. I still can't think of any Disney movie that has a gay main character. Most gay people in tv shows are quite extreme. Else it doesn't make good tv, right? But that is what people see and think they should be if they are gay. Most of us LGB and even T people don't stand out like that. Most of us are really boring to be honest. We are normal. We just happen to love someone we can't reproduce with. Though luck. But those kids don't know that yet. They don't know gay people are normal and can have any shape possible, just like the rest of the world.

When I was growing up I somehow had this idea that a transsexual was a desperate gay man who wanted to be with another man so much he was willing to give up his penis in order to get it. Crazy of course, but that's what I thought. So there was no way I would apply the idea of transexuality to myself. It took me 33 years to figure out that transsexuals can go from female to male as well and, yes, I am one too. I was surprised when I found out. Me? Really? But I'm... Okay, I might not be the most boring person on the planet but I'm not some deranged freak, right? Right. I'm not. And most other trans or gay people aren't either. I was actually a bit shocked to realize I had been thinking that way. That someone like me, who considered himself open minded and gay friendly would still hold on to such backwards stereotypes. But I did. Because I didn't know it could be different. And I'm not the only one who has this problem. That's why education is so important.

Around that age about half of the kids have figured it out though. They do know they are gay but choose not to come out. Why? They don't feel safe. They are afraid they will be treated differently on grounds that are not relevant to the situation. Yes, that's the definition of discrimination. To treat someone differently on grounds that are not relevant. They are afraid they will be bullied, they will be cast out. Some of the kids respond there is no need to be afraid, that the kids who did come out aren't being bullied either so they should be fine too. But it's not that simple. Because someone in a different class who is a few years older doesn't get picked on doesn't mean you'll be fine. It also doesn't mean your parents are going to be okay with it. Or the kids at soccer. Etc. Education starts at school, but safety is much bigger then that. I'm hoping we can educate the next generations and wipe out homophobia that way but it will take time. What I do know is that there are a whole bunch of kids right now that know that transsexuals are not just desperate, deranged gay men but look just like normal people. I hope I will have helped at least one person to come to terms with who they are just a bit easier and in less then 33 years time. I know my life would have been quite different if we had had Coming Out Day when I was growing up.

If you live in or near Leiden and you want to be part of the movement we are actively looking for more people to help us educate the next generations. More details here.

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Just to get a few things clear.

A friend of mine sent me an email and, among other things, she mentioned something about my transition. I know she means well and she is just concerned but I found it highly naive, unsupportive and frankly just plain insulting. It does make me realize there are probably more people who think these things and/or don't fully understand these things. They probably don't have enough information to get better insight. So I decided I should explain these things in public. These are some of the basics actually but it could be they got snowed under. It can also be that I haven't been 100% clear on some of these things because I hadn't figured it out for myself yet. This transition is a huge process and takes time. It's like that for most trans people. You start on a journey and you're not sure where you will end up. You might think you know and you might actually end up where you thought you would, but most of us take detours at some point. We have to learn how to be trans, in our own way, for ourselves. No one can tell us how to do it because we are all different. At first, when I realized I was trans I thought I had to be some sort of macho man and denounce all things feminine, which scared me and I didn't want to but I thought a real transman had to be like that. So then I thought maybe I'm not a transman but I'm somewhere in between. After a lot of thought I came to the conclusion that yes, I really do identify as male enough to consider myself a transman. I may have feminine traits and have developed skills and qualities that are considered female, but that does not make me a woman. I am not a woman. I am a man, at this point trapped in a female body, with a healthy, developed female side. That's how I look at things now. Ask me again in a few year and it might be different. You never know. I might turn into a drag queen. It's all possible.

Lets walk through a few phrases from that email.


"Just be sure of what you really really want before you start the hormones. There's no going back afterwards."

I have given this a lot of thought. I am very very aware of the fact that once I start hormones there is no going back. I know it is a really big step. And I can't wait. I'm a bit scared, as with all big steps that will change your life in a good but fundamental way and will take some getting used to. Like getting married, or having a baby, or moving to a different city or country even. So this is a normal kind of scary. This is the good kind of scary.

As for not being able to go back? I can't go back anyway. Just like I can't go back to being anorexic anymore. I have seen what it has done to me in the past to not be able to be true to myself. How destructive it is. How much it hurts. Once you realize this and you see what you can do about it, there is no turning back. Sometimes, when I get nervous, I do wonder, if I could go back, since I haven't made any modifications to my body yet. But I have made the biggest change already. And that's in my own head. I have acknowledged the problem and there is no denying it any longer. Starting hormone therapy won't make it any less possible to turn back as it already is impossible to turn back. My mind is made up. I have seen the light.


"-you're you and people should relate to YOU not to what your body looks like or your facial hair or your voice."

Yes, that's true. And that's very nice and all but not very realistic. It's not how the world works. We can get angry about that but it won't change. This is something that people will always do. Why? Because what you look like says something about your inside. When you wear red heels it says something different then when you wear black sneakers. I have always felt that your body should reflect how you feel. Especially when I had anorexia. I felt horrible, I felt sick, I felt weak, I felt helpless. Since I was unable to speak up for a long time and tell people what was wrong with me I was trying to get some sort of message across with my body by the way I treated it. There are many other aspects to anorexia and there were for me as well but right now this bit is relevant. Right now I feel very different and I look very different. I still want my body to reflect how I feel, who I am. Everyone does. Most people are not aware of it but it's what we do. Sometimes I see a piece of clothing in a store that wouldn't suit me at all but I find myself thinking: that's a really nice shirt, that's totally *insert friend's name*. That shirt would represent a certain person really well but it would not be 'me'. I hear people say that quite often when they go shopping for clothes: that's so you! We express our personality with the way we dress, do our hair, make up, tattoos, jewelery, etc. And not just how we decorate our bodies externally. There are limitations to shaping our bodies but we always try. Do we want to look thin, muscular, soft? We change our bodies through diet and exercise to make it look more like ourselves. The cosmetic surgery industry is huge after all. The way our bodies look, matters. It is part of our identity.

Lets go back to the shoes. If someone wears red high heels you tend to approach that person different then when someone wears practical sneakers. Why? Because you automatically link the shoes to a certain type of person. In most cases you are right to do so though not everyone agrees on what certain things mean. You can't take one item and deduct someone's entire personality from it. You have to take in account the entire context, add those things up and then make an estimation on how that person wants to be treated. There is one tricky part of the human anatomy that gets us confused though. Boobs. A lot of people assume boobs mean certain things. Welcome to the 21st century. They don't mean as much as they used to. The way the are presented does, but the mere presence does not implicate lesser value. This is the main reason why I hate having boobs. People see them and the start treating me differently, as if I'm less then I am. This shouldn't happen to anyone, no matter what their gender identity is or what their body looks like.


"You'll never be a complete girl because mentally that's not where you're at -"

I'm not striving to be a complete girl. I'm not striving to be a girl at all. I never was a girl in the first place. I was just born in a female body. That's all.


"-but physically you'll never be a complete guy."

Yes, thank you. I am very, very, very, very aware of that. Thank you for reminding me. But....
Does that really matter? In a way, to me personally, it does. But the only time that matters is in the bedroom. That's all. The rest of the time it's nobody's business. Seriously. I don't go asking people what they have in their pants either. It's none of my business so I don't see why other people should be concerned about what I have in my pants. Gender identity is mostly about the way people treat you and how comfortable you are with your body in every day life. What's between your legs is a lot less important. It would be nice if I would be able to get a fully functional penis but I won't die if I can't have one. I will die if people keep staring at my boobs and keep treating me like a girl.


"Which is worse for you? which is better for you? You have many decades ahead of you - make the choice that you're reasonably sure you'll be able to live with through all of those years."

I think I have answered that. I'm not reasonably sure though. I know what I need to do. I stand by my decision 100% and more. This is the best choice I have made in my entire life.


I do understand the concern. I really do. I'm not happy about being trans. If anything I would much rather just have been born a boy in a male body or a girl in this body. But that's not an option. These are the cards I got dealt and I'll have to make the best of it. This is the best option I have, no matter how hard it might be. Even though I do feel offended by these remarks, I'm also glad I received them via email so I have been able to read them a few times and really think about them. I know most people don't know anything about transsexuals. I didn't either when I discovered I was one. So having these things in writing makes me able to respond to them properly and for a wider audience. That's the whole point of this blog, to help people understand these things better. So no, I'm not mad about this email. I'm just a bit frustrated and very aware of how much work still needs to be done.

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Another one bites the dust. (suicide)

Last week the body of a 13 year of boy was found in the woods near an adjacent town. The sister of a friend of mine went to the same school as he did. 2 steps away. So close but still a total stranger. Even though I didn't know him it still shook me. The death of a 13 year old child is never a good thing. Immediately people started speculating what had happened. Murder or suicide? I talked to several people about this. I was told that he was a singular boy, quite different from other children his age, and,therefor, was bullied. There were also speculations on whether or not he was gay. But, there were also a lot of witnesses who claimed they saw him going into the woods with a man. I heard the boy was covered in bruises and therefor it must be murder. That he had bruises in his neck that looked like he had been choked. I don't know if that is true. All I know is that, 2 days ago, the police confirmed it was a suicide. His mother and sister are getting support. There was no mention of help being provided for his father who claimed it was impossible that it was suicide.


I don't know what really happened but fact remains that a young boy felt he had no other option then to end his life. I remember when I was 13 and felt the same way. I was about that age when a girl at my school committed suicide. I didn't know her well, only spoke to her a few times, but respected her greatly. She was one of the first openly lesbian girls I ever met. When she died part of me felt sad, because I didn't believe the world was a better place without her. Part of me felt angry, because the world had failed to help her. Part of me felt jealous, because she had done something I had thought about a lot but never had the courage to do. And part of me felt a little proud of her for being brave enough to take control over her own death and with that her life like that.


About 20 years later another one bites the dust. And I don't know why. I made it. I'm okay now, mostly. I don't consider suicide an option anymore though sometimes I regret not having succeeded at it because life can still get to me. At times like this it does. I know I'm not the only one.


"The Suicide Prevention Resource Center synthesized these studies and estimated that between 30 and 40% of LGBT youth, depending on age and sex groups, have attempted suicide." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_among_LGBT_youth

I find these statistics staggering. That many? Really? Of course, I don't know for sure if this boy was gay. I didn't know him. But LGBT youths are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide then heterosexual youths. Those are the odds. You do the math.


The COC that I have told you about has an education program. They provide a sort of workshop at schools to teach about diversity, bullying and LGBT issues. The Trans*-initiative will be providing a training for the educators on trans issues so I decided to come along and see how it works, how the kids respond, what kind of questions they have etc. so I knew what the educators are facing when standing in front of a class. It was an amazing experience. In the end someone always tells his/her own story so I decided to step up right away as the kids had loads of questions concerning transgenders. The kids were great! I was really blown away. I had so much fun. It felt great. I felt like I had done something worthwhile that would help make this world a better place. But clearly, it was not enough. I don't blame myself for the death of this one child. I blame all of us for the deaths of so many children. We say we have come a long way in accepting people who are different. That's great. But it doesn't help these kids that are getting bullied for bing different, these kids that are not being accepted by their own parents, these kids that feel like they have no place in this world. 20 years of progress and still a family has to bury their son, their brother because this boy did not feel safe, did not feel loved, did not feel strong enough to fight this immense force around him that would not accept him for who he was.


This may sound silly but I have literally cried for this boy. Not just for him, for all of us. And I probably will cry every time I hear something like this has happened. I hope this doesn't mean I will continue to cry the rest of my life. I know I'm not the only one who is upset about this. We all should be. But what do we do? The kids at his school are wearing colored pants for a few weeks, because he used to do so. They have no idea what kind of hypocrites that makes them. And how pointless it is if they don't change the way they treat each other. We need to educate our children. To be able to do that, we need to educate ourselves and ask ourselves some tough questions. Are you really open to people who are different from you? Do you accept and respect other people? Do you? Really? Or do you judge them behind their backs and think they won't notice? Are you being honest with yourself on this? Do you practice what you preach? The only way we can change this world is by first being honest with ourselves, change what we need to, and then help others gather the information they need to be able to find acceptance of and respect for those who are different from them.


If you feel like you want to do something more and have the time, check the website to become a volunteer and help educating our children: http://www.cocleiden.nl/nieuws/voorlichtsters-gezocht. One person CAN make a difference. Why shouldn't it be you?


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Getting to know myself: give and take.

This whole transition thing stimulates a lot of soul searching, which was to be expected. It's very interesting to see what happens. Things I had set up only about a year ago with the idea that this would be a long term thing are already looking different in the light of my new life. And compared to how things were 5 or even 10 years ago, you wouldn't recognize me anymore. The results of my psychological tests are in a way obvious but also surprising. Like the diagonal line going from rigid: not at all, to confident: very. It used to be the other way around, even only 5 years ago. I have grown so much in the past 5 years, I sometimes find it hard to believe. Mostly it amazes me that it was actually the same person who did all those things.


For 25 years I spent most of my time thinking about other people. What will they think. What will the do to me. Is it okay for them that I exist. I spent a lot of time trying to not exist and to destroy my body. But I don't think I ever really wanted to be dead. At that point, I wasn't sure. I didn't know what I wanted because I was unable to be myself. I had lost connection to myself. All I had was the ideas I had about what other people wanted me to be and how I was failing to live up to them, except for the expectation of failure. I was walking a tightrope, trying to disappear, proving I was a failure and didn't belong here, and desperately holding on to life. It was not easy.


In the last 5 years I have learned to care for myself. Even to love myself though it's still not always easy. I've learned it's okay for me to be who I am. And I am slowly getting to know this person, this me who is surfacing. Turns out, I'm actually a really nice guy people like to be around. This also means I end up in the friend zone all the time but at least I have friends and that's a good start. I actually have some amazing friends and feel very blessed to have so many lovely people in my life. I'm learning a lot from my friends, in all kinds of ways. One friend who currently inspires me a lot is going to go to Australia and NZ for a year. Maybe longer. She is following a dream. The time is now. You never know if you'll get another chance than the one you create for yourself right now. I made a bucket list last month and am working on it, slowly but surely. And yes, travel is on that list as well. I'd prefer to change my passport before then though but that also gives me time to save up some money. I've come to the conclusion there are so many things I want to do, I wonder if I have enough time. That means I have to get started as soon as possible.


Getting to know myself also means learning what I don't want and making the choice to stop doing those things so I have more time to do the things I do want to do. Sounds simple, but is a bit tricky. I don't want people to think I'm giving up or giving in. I'm just changing my mind because I have more information. That should be okay. It's my life after all and hadn't I decided I was going to be in charge from now on? Yes I had. I want to do the things that feel good to me, not just what looks good to other people. A lot of the things that are supposed to look good to other people seem odd to me anyway. There is a huge focus on money while it's nothing but a tool to get the things you want. And then it comes right down to it, there aren't that many things we really really want to have, other then experiences. There is even a commercial by a credit card company that states the experience is priceless. That's what it is all about. Those memories, those experiences, those things you have learned, they will stay with you for ever. And that's what I want right now, to learn and to grow. But for that I need time to practice certain things. And energy. Which I don't seem to have. I'm not sleeping well. Something is bothering me. There is a ball and chain draining my energy and keeping me up that I need to cut loose. I know this feeling. There is a change coming and I have a feeling I know what it is. All I need to do is find a way that will give me some closure as well. Simply dropping it doesn't work for me. I don't like loose ends. I'll let you know when I cross that bridge how it works out.


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A survey on selfharm. Children need our help.

A friend of mine is doing a survey to determine how well students are being helped at school when they struggle with automutilation, also knows as selfharm (SH). I find it very important that she is doing this. The results will serve as a guide to write a protocol for schools on how to act when they find a student in such a situation. Right now there are no guidelines what so ever for this. As a result precious time is lost in helping these children. Depression in teens is much more common then we would like to admit and a very serious problem. Selfharm is not about getting attention. It's about survival. It's a way to deal with the struggles and pain that otherwise become too great to handle. Most of the time parents don't have a clue or are part of the problem. When parents fail to protect their children it's time for the community to step in and take action. Since most children spend most of their time at school it makes sense for teachers to notice the signs and respond to them. Most teachers don't know what they should be looking for though. And if they do notice something is wrong, they don't know how to respond. So they leave the kid alone and hope it's just a phase and it will pass. For some it does pass. For others it ends in suicide. But the majority is left to struggle on for years and years, perhaps the rest of their lives. The sooner they can get help, the sooner things will get better and the greater the odds are they will be able to be happy some day. So if you have struggled with self harm during school and live in the Netherlands, please fill out the survey. If you know someone who did, pass it on. A lot of children out there need our help.

http://www.thesistools.com/web/?id=304850


I filled out the survey as well. I started selfharming when I was about 12 I think. I'm not entirely sure. It was a strange time. No one noticed. I would cut my upper arms at first. I would wear a short sleeved shirt at gym class so I'm pretty sure someone saw. But nobody said anything. Not in school, not at home, not anywhere. My sister once asked if I could stop banging my head against the wall in the middle of the night because it would wake her up. But that's all.  My eating disorder grew worse and worse. So did my drinking, which I started when I was 8, believe it or not. And when I was 15 I started doing drugs. Just weed at first, but that's where we all start, isn't it?

I finally managed to quite when I was 29. The cutting, the drinking, everything. And now I am healthy and fit. But I still feel sad a lot of the time. I still feel lonely, unloved and unlovable like I did growing up. I still have days when I get the urge to get out a knife and rip myself to pieces. I don't think that will ever completely go away. But I keep on fighting. I keep on going. I keep on surviving. And I'm still here.

I don't know what would have happened if someone would have noticed what was really going on sooner. My parents did send me to a psychiatrist at some point and told me I could stop going there if my grades improved. My grades did improve and I could stop going. But I only felt worse. It's not just about grades and how things look on the surface. If they had spend a bit more time noticing me, maybe they would have seen what was happening. Maybe I would not feel so lonely today.



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Just a suggestion: squats.

As a group fitness instructor I see a lot of people doing the same thing at the same time. That way you really notice the little differences, little variations people create to make things easier or because they don't fully understand what they should be doing and which muscles they should be using. There are things that I see happen over and over again so I decided to hand you a little tip, a suggestion if you will. Just one at a time so next time you're in your workout you don't have to think of a million things at the same time and can't get a single one right because it's too much.


Today my suggestion is on squats. It's very simple: keep your knees behind your toes.

Why? Several reasons. The first one is that if you push your knees forwards when you are doing squats you put a lot of pressure on your knee joints. They don't like that. There are all kinds of things in that complex joint that can tear or get irritated and inflamed. If you often get sore knees after doing squats you are probably pushing your knees forwards and should keep an eye on them.

The other reason has to do with efficiency. If you move your knees forward you shift the weight off the heel of your foot to the front. When you push up in your squat you want to activate the back of your legs and mostly your butt. That's why we do squats after all, for strong legs and a nice firm butt. You want to be able to squeeze that butt and you can only do that if you push from your heels. If you have been squatting for a while and are not making any progress, this could be why.


How? I think I already mentioned that. Keep your weight on your heels. That's the most important thing. You can check if your weight is to the back my lifting your toes. Not much, just enough to see you can. That's all. What you also need to do is stick that butt back! You're at the gym. If you still look sexy after your workout, you haven't been working hard enough. So forget about looking silly with your butt sticking out. You will look a lot sillier using poor technique and even worse when you've been coming there for ages and still haven't booked any results. So push that butt back before you go down. Trust me.


I hope this helps. And yes, at first, if you make this change, it will get harder. But that's the whole point. If it's easy, you're not getting results and that's what we're here for after all. Else we could just stay and home and watch TV. Let me know how it goes.

If you have any questions on technique, you can always ask me. I don't know everything but always try to learn new things so if I don't have the answer I'll try to find it for you.

Have a good day!

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How do you know?

 

 

With all the knowledge I have been spreading lately people tend to ask me: how do you know? It's actually quite simple. I read it somewhere. And then I read it somewhere else as well. And saw it on a documentary. And another one. And heard it from some people and talked to them about their experience with it. And then I took all that information and used my common sense (which doesn't seem to be too common these days) to see what would be most likely to be true and what would most likely be commercial nonsense. And then I applied it to my own daily life to see what would happen. And then, then I would tell people: hey look, this is a good idea, or a bad one. That's how I know all these things.

Of course, I don't know everything. I research the things I'm curious about first. Things that apply to my own life more directly. Like the gluten thing. I'm so glad I cut out grains all together because my body responds so positively to it, I can not imagine going back to eating grains. There are other topics I am curious about, like yoga and meditation, or the effect of light in a workspace, about the most effective core training, the fabric of space and time and the perfect brownie recipe. But I can't read up on everything at the same time. So I'm doing things bit by bit. I think it was Buddha who said: live every day as if it's your last, learn every day as if you'll live for ever. So that's what I try to do. I keep learning, gathering information and sharing it with the people around me so they can benefit from that knowledge as well without having to put in all that time. I love learning. I'm a real nerd when it comes to that. Learning is one of the best things there are in life. And it's not that hard. All you have to do is listen to your body, or click a link, or pick up the paper and not just read it and stop there, but think about it. Think about if it's really true what they say and why. And there you have your wonder. And from wonder comes inquisition and then comes knowledge and we all know where that leads. It empowers us to become stronger, happier people. So next time your body does something you don't like, don't just take an aspirin. Ask yourself why it's doing that and if you can change it. Because if your body is functioning as best as it can, life becomes easier in so many ways. It's the little things that add up in the end.


If there are any topics you are curious about and you think I might know something about them, don't hesitate to ask. If I do know something about it or am curious about it myself anyway I'll see if I can do a bit more research on it and write a blog about it.




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Why drinking 'fat coke' really is like drinking fat.

Lately I have been posting a lot of links on sugar on my facebook page. In my previous blog I also mentioned sugared beverages are bad and promised to explain why. If you want the complete picture you can watch the The Skinny on Obesity clips on YouTube but if you want to go straight to the bitter truth you should watch Ep. 2: Sickeningly Sweet. That clip describes very well how what we call sugar is treated by the body.
We all know now that sugars are carbs, but most people don't know what a carb is. Some will get to a carbohydrate which is the complete word. That still doesn't mean anything to anyone. People might now it's energy. Very good. But not all carbs are just energy. Some are toxic. Like alcohol, hence the word intoxicated. Alcohol is metabolized (changed into something else or used as energy) by the brain and the liver. The liver is the place in the body that handles all toxins. There is another carb that the liver deals with: fructose. That's sugar, right? Sugar from fruit. How is that bad? Wasn't fruit supposed to be good for you? Yes, it is. Fruit contains a lot of vitamins and minerals and fiber along with glucose and fructose. Glucose is the good kind of sugar, the kind that your entire body can use for energy. That's the kind of sugar/carb you want. The fiber helps keep the fructose in your bowels where it can be eaten by the bacteria living in there. They are the good guys that help you get rid of the toxins. So only a small amount of the fructose is absorbed and your body can handle that just fine. That tiny bit is moved to your liver where it is broken down and part of it is burned and that tiny last bit that's left will be turned into fat. If you live a healthy life and don't sit around all day you will burn that bit of fat later on, no problem. But that's fruit. What about juice? Isn't that just fruit as well? Sure, but without the fiber. And without the fiber your body will absorb the whole lot of fructose. That's just the beginning.

Let's take a look at coke. 240 calories per serving according to the Coca Cola website, of which 65 grams of sugar. That's everything. There is nothing else in there. So how is this fat coke? Those 65 grams of sugar are half glucose, which is fine, and half fructose, which is bad if you absorb it because, like I said, some of it will get turned into fat. Unless there is fiber of course. Now lets take a look at what they say about that. "Not a significant source of fat calories, saturated fat, trans fat, cholesterol, fiber, vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium and iron." No fiber. None what so ever. So all the calories from fat coke go straight to your liver and get turned mostly into fat. And that is how fat coke really is like drinking fat.
But honestly, the same goes for any drink that has sugar (as the companies call it without discriminating between different types like glucose and fructose) that doesn't contain any fiber. The only drinks that are really good are water, tea and smoothies (if properly made with fresh fruit, preferably unpeeled). Coffee is a different issue and an ongoing debate I first need to reed up on more before I say anything about that so for now let's just ignore that one, just leave out the sugar from now on.

It gets even worse when it comes to soda. Look at the amount of salt: Sodium 75mg. You need to double that for the total amount of salt. 150 mg of salt in one serving. Salt makes you thirsty and you drink more. So you get another coke, and absorb more fructose and salt. Check out Ep. 3 on how fructose makes you hungry and you will see how sugared beverages are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the sugar problem. It's the core of what we in Dutch call welvaatsziektes, freely translated to prosperity illnesses which I think covers the load quite well. If you want to lose weight and become healthy and fit, cut out the fructose (except when taken with fiber like in fresh fruits). That's the best thing you could ever do for your body.


The full lecture: Sugar: the bitter truth.  There is a lot more information about this out there but I have found this the most accessable for most people. If you want you can do a bit more research yourself or keep an eye on my facebook page as I will post a link to the articles I come across.

On exercise and losing weight.

A lot of people ask me how they can lose weight. Mostly they ask me what kind of exercise they can do to get rid of fat. They ask if sup ups or crunches are better for losing stomach fat. Well, sit ups are a no go these days in general because they are not very effective and they can be bad for your back and neck. Most important, they don't burn stomach fat. But neither do crunches, or planks, or cardio even! Okay, it does at some point but only if your body feels like it. You can not force your body to burn fat where you want it. You can only make it burn fat in general. Your body will decide which fat it can spare. So targeting area's where you want the fat to be gone is nothing but frustrating unless you get lucky and most of us don't. A friend of mine is burning her boobs and she's not happy about it but mine have been staying the same and I want to get rid of them. Life is unfair when it comes to stuff like that. So all you can do is be patient and wait for your body to be ready to start at the fat you want to burn. This means you need to burn the other fat your body wants to get rid of first. The order in which you burn fat doesn't change. I go from bottom to top: legs and ass first, now my stomach and eventually my boobs I hope. A lot of people do it the other way around too. Some have a different order all together. The only way to find out what your fat burning order is, is by burning it.

So what is a good way to start burning fat? Crunches, and planks, and cardio. But didn't I say that doesn't work? I said at some point. It takes time. Fat doesn't burn anything. It just sits there. Muscle does burn energy, even when you are asleep. Especially when you are asleep to be more precise because that is when it restores itself and that takes up energy. And of course when you are moving. When you have very little muscle you will only be able to use little muscle doing your daily things. When you have more muscle you will automatically use more muscle in every day use, like walking up the stairs. You use your entire legs and butt for that. Not just part of them. So more muscle is more energy use. And that is a very effective way to get rid o the extra calories.


What about cardio? There is a button on every crosstrainer/stationary bike/stair master/etc that says: fatburning, or something of the sorts. If you press that button and follow the program, you should be burning fat, right? Cause it said so. Sure. You will burn more calories from fat then from sugar during exercise. True. Now lets take a look at how this works. A Big Mac contains 570 Calories. If you weigh 170lbs, or 77Kg, you have to do 75 minutes of cardio to burn that. And that doesn't get rid of the fries. You would have to do twice that much exercise if you get a large fries with that which is also 570 Calories. So, you do your 2 and a half hours of cardio to burn your meal and then what? You feel hungry and you go and eat again. In the mean time your easy tread will only have boosted your internal energy burning system, your metabolism, a tiny bit. You get a bit of an afterburn, where you are burning more calories after working out then before, but not much. This disappears pretty quickly. So a few hours later the effect will be gone and the pizza you are having for dinner does straight to your stomach fat again. Not what you want.


So then what? Lately there have been studies on this quite a bit. One of the studies you should really take a look at if you have the time is The truth about exercise. It's a BBC documentary. They show that you can achieve a much greater boost for your metabolism by doing high intensity interval training, also known as HIIT these days. 30 seconds of explosive training followed by recovery and then repeated a few times. In total you might be spending 5 minutes or so on your training bike and that's about it. That's all you need to boost your internal burner to keep that flame high. You will start feeling fitter, more energetic and healthier in general.


Does that mean you can just go ahead and eat what ever you want? Hell no. Food is the most important factor in weight control. Period. That's just fact. So you need to take a look at that as well. One of the first things you should get rid of is sugared beverages. I'll explain why soon.


Want to stay up to date quicker and get some extra tips? Check out my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/TylerFokker. I also have some links on there explaining a few things about the sugared drinks so if you're curious, go check it out.

The Trans*-initiative needs your help!

Last night I was at the biannual meeting for the coordinators at the COC Leiden. The COC is a national organization that stands up for GLBT rights, provides a meeting place and organizes events and so on. It has done a lot of great work already and since about a month I am proud to be representing the local trans community by becoming the coordinator for the Trans*-initiative. The Trans*-initiative was started in 2010 and mostly consist of a GenderFreeZone evening which is a workshop on a trans related topic and then a party which is open to everyone to stimulate the integration between trans and non-trans people. Last Friday I supplied the workshop on how to change your body by using exercise and nutrition so it can represent more who you are inside and to become more healthy and mentally stable (those 2 are linked in a way most people don't realize). The workshop went really well and, despite the rain, was well visited. Also the party was a great success. It was wonderful to see so many non-trans people showing up as well to show their support.
Even though I prefer to be optimistic, I also need to be realistic. Having between 10 and 20 people visiting the workshop is not as many as should be possible. When you consider the size of this city and the fact that this is the only meeting place for trans people in the region it's not a lot. There are so many others out there that we're not reaching. I know my personal network is limited but I am hoping others will help me use their networks as well so I can reach more people to invite them to these workshops. They are valuable, even if it's just to meet others and see you're not alone. So many of us do feel lonely even though we don't have to. I would greatly appreciate it if you would go to our page: https://www.facebook.com/cocleiden?fref=ts and like us and share the events on there. We are trying really hard to provide information and help, a sanctuary if you will even, but we can only do that if we can reach people. Your help would mean a lot.
The other thing I discussed during the meeting last night was educating people on transgenderism. Firstly the people who we send out to schools to talk about diversity, discrimination and GLBT issues. I have been getting the same questions from my GLB friends as my straight friends. This shows people are people which is good, but, it also shows that, even if you are part of the GLBT community, information is not that easy to come by. We are working on gathering information and setting up workshops for the volunteers of the educational program first as they go out into the world spreading the information even further. Once that is done we want to set up a workshop for other people who are interested but don't know where to look for information. So my question to you is: what would you like to know? What do you think we should put in the workshop? And if you are a transgender, what do you think is important to tell people? We have some ideas but it's just a small team and the more people think about this the better. So I could really use your input. Please leave me a comment below and I will make a summery at some point. Of course, when the time comes and the workshop is ready I'll let you know when, what and where.
Many thanks!