Can I keep donating blood?

A few days ago I came across this video:

This morning I went to the blood bank to donate plasma. Every time you donate you have to fill out a form, checking yes or no for a bunch of questions. Among those questions are: for men: have you ever had sex with another man? And for women: in the past 12 months, have you had sex with a man who has ever had sex with another man? As you can see the idea that "gay blood" still has a higher risk of being contaminated still lingers in The Netherlands as well. The Dutch LGBT rights organization, the COC, asked questions about this to our government and they are currently debating the issue. They have been for about 7 years now. When asked for an update on this we get  a general reply of: we're working on it, it takes time. Latest news I could find was from november 2012.

Personally, I don't think this should be much of an issue. The risks of gay or bisexual men are close to the same here as for straight people. And even if you are taking risks, the screening fro the blood is very good these days and if there is something wrong the chances that they will notice are close to 100% now. About 8% of the population is gay. I know a lot of gay men who are willing to donate blood. And there is always a shortage. Why not allow them to donate? Do you really care who's blood it is when you are dying? Would you rather die then get a gay man's blood?

As a female to male transgender, I seem to have a bit of a problem though. Which box do I tick? Right now I am still officially registered as female at the blood bank but at some point that will change. What do I do then? If they still ask those questions by then, and they probably will, I will suddenly no longer be allowed to donate. Nothing has changed. At least, my official gender will have changed. But none of my actions will have changed. I am not at a greater risk of getting AIDS. Actually I'm not dating anyone right now but I have had sex with men in the past. And the form says: have you EVER had sex with a man. And yes, I have. So officially, I'm not allowed to donate. This makes me rather angry. I'm trying to help. I'm trying to save peoples lives. And because I am being myself I am suddenly no longer allowed to do that. It's a very strange world we live in. However, I will continue to donate for as long as I can and I encourage others to do the same. You never know when you or a loved one will be on the receiving end.

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Bronies and beared ladies.

Last week there was a Dutch article on a German woman who had beard growth and had decided to not pluck it out any longer. She now works at the circus. It's a lonely life but she is happier being herself even though not everyone reacts positively, telling her she should be shot etc.

I was a bit surprised at this article and not in a good way. I found myself thinking: she really works in the circus? That is so two centuries ago. It seemed like fiction. But this probably is her only option. Let's be honest, what kind of job do you see her doing? Something where other people couldn't see her. But who would hire her in the first place? I don't think anyone would. Other then circus that is. People are so stuck in the binary that anything that does not fit people's ideas of what is feminine or masculine is simply not accepted. A bearded lady is a freak and should either be shot or in the circus. In the rest of the world there is no place for someone like that. 

What I was even more surprised at, were the reactions the article got. It was posted in one of the trans groups on Facebook. It was a mixed group so there were transmen and women on there. The post has been removed and I only saw a few of the comments but I saw it was getting out of hand real quick. The transmen mostly reacted approving, perhaps even a bit jealous. Some of the transwomen however were shocked, appalled and offended. How could a woman want to grow a beard? They were trying really hard to not grow a beard in becoming a real woman. And now there was this cis (people born in the body that fits their gender identity) woman, who saw herself as 100% woman, who was growing a beard! How could she do that? It seems that a lot of transsexuals are just as stuck in the binary as most cis people are. They rebuke any behavior that doesn't fit just as hard as others do. 

As much as that shocks me, I also feel embarrassed as I am part of that group and I would like to be able to say: we, transgenders, think outside of the binary boxes of male and female. But it turns out we don't. We are just as human as the rest of you. We are just as insecure, or maybe even more. We want to fit in. That's all that matters in the end. At least, for a lot of trans people. The want to be accepted for who they are and because of that they will go through great lengths to be as passable as possible. Even if that means rejecting people who don't fit the standard either, who are just trying to be themselves, just like they are.

Passability is one of the greatest issues among the trans community. It's so important. It is the greatest achievement there is for a transsexual. It makes me wonder why. A lot of transsexuals are afraid they will be found out. That something will give away the fact that they were born in the wrong body. They are afraid that, if/when people find out, they will be rejected. A lot of them will tell you it's not about that. It's about feeling like a real woman or like a real man. Sorry but that's a load of crap. If you didn't feel like a woman or a man, you wouldn't want to change your body and your social role to fit how you feel. So you already feel like a real woman or a real man. What you look like has nothing to do with that. If we look at the so called ideal of what women or men should look like, hardly anyone meets that standard. But a lot of trans people think they should, because they have to compensate for not having ovaries or testicles. Do we really have to? A friend of mine posted a video on my wall the other day, about bronies. About what? Bronies. Just watch the video here. 

Did you watch it? It raises some interesting questions. Personally I'm a big fan of bronies. Not of My Little Pony to be honest. But I think bronies are awesome. I hope it will be the start of something new. A new definition of what masculine and feminine means. And how stuck we are with those two as being divided. I believe that everyone has a feminine and a masculine side. We are now at an age where we have the ability to express both sides. Whether you are transsexual or cis or transgender, you always have a feminine and a masculine side. Embrace them and make them work together. If we, the trans people, really want to be ourselves and be free to express the way we see ourselves, everyone should be able to. I think that's the only way to do it. So I say let's get the bearded lady out of the circus and see her as just another human being, just like the rest of us. 

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Putin vs the gays.

Yesterday evening I went to Amsterdam to join the protest against the law the Russians have proposed on LGBT propaganda. Personally I think the whole idea is idiotic as your sexual orientation and gender identity are locked into the brain. You can torture someone as much as you like but they will remain gay. If being LGBT was a choice hardly anyone would do it because of all the trouble you can get into. It makes life a lot harder and no one wants that. Personally, if I had a choice, I would just ´fit in´. I tried long enough to be a girl after all. And that´s what we all want in the end. To fit in and to belong. But it´s not a choice. So pretending it´s not there is not an option. Therefor the idea of gay propaganda is just silly. Propaganda suggests it is a choice. Propaganda suggests you can persuade people to become gay. Come join us, we have rainbows! I mean, really? Does he actually think it works that way? Does anyone? I know people do believe such things but come on. Why on earth would someone chose to be gay if it means you can get lynched. Or, closer to home for most of us, get fired, bullied, or beaten up like that gay couple in Paris the other day. Why would anyone chose to live like that? We don't. We don't have a choice. It's who we are. 

Putin denies human rights are being infringed. He says that the LGBT community has the same rights as anyone else. He also says it's a local law that is suggested to ban gay propaganda, not federal. But federal law should make such local laws impossible. If it really is local, he should pull rank and tell them it's a no go. In the mean time the law has already been activated in several areas of the country. Violence is growing. People don't feel safe, they are scared. And they should be. The police does not protect them. Putin may say the police should, but they don't. A survey in Russia shows that "Tolerance towards people with different sexual orientation and an understanding of their problems was found in 23% of Russian people, who suggest that these people should be left in peace to be themselves; another 27% believe that such people need psychological help. The rest of society has firm opinions on the issue: 16% believe that homosexuals should be isolated from society, 22% think they should be forced to undergo treatment, and 5% think they should be "eliminated" completely..." Less then 1 in 4 is 'okay' with gay people. So Putin may say that LGBT people have the same rights, but with the homophobia going through the roof, it's a bit difficult to believe people can actually exercise those rights. Banning education on LGBT is not going to make people less gay. It's just going to make them more homophobic. 

So, the protest. What was is like. Well, there were a few thousand gay people on a tiny spot so that meant song festival music and whistles. Lots of rainbow flags and signs being waved around. Sing a longs and shouting. Being there felt important. But it also felt kind of futile. I don't know if it will help at all but it was all we could do so that's what we did. It was nice seeing a lot of people there, running into old and new friends. It was really nice to know they care. A friend of mine who is straight came along as well. She turned out to be the only straight person I know who bothered. I really really appreciate her being there. The thing is, this isn't just a gay issue. It's a human rights issue. It's about being able to be yourself and to love who you chose to love without being prosecuted for it. People seem to forget that. It's not just about the gays. It's about all of us. It's about freedom in the smallest things, the things we seem to take for granted. It's about such basic things as being able to give someone a hug in public. It's about not having to be ashamed of who you are. Or having to be afraid to be yourself. It's about being human. 

If you still want to do something, the petition is still open. Please sign. 

A Dutch article on Putin's visit. 

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Boxer shorts and kilts. Male emancipation.

Working as a volunteer for COC Leiden on the educational program I find myself confronted with a classroom full of 15 year old children. In most cases these kids have no idea what my life looks like and the struggle transgenders have been going through for so long. Some of them honestly don't understand why it should be such a problem. Others find it all very odd and don't see how it relates to their world. But being transgender can happen to anyone. People are trying to show that transsexuals are more intelligent then the averaged person. I seriously doubt that's true. It could be that people with a lower IQ simply don't understand what the problem is or don't have the means to express themselves or the means to actually do something about their situation and therefor decide to stay the way they are because they don't seem to have a choice. Genderdysphoria hits all parts of society equally.


But that doesn't make it any stranger to those kids. Why would a guy want to wear a skirt? One day, standing in front of a class, I was tempted to say: I wear boxer shorts too, nobody thinks that's weird. I realized how odd it was to say that, being a female to male transgender. And then it hit me. Even if I was a real girl, it would still be okay for me to wear boy's undies. But the other way around, it wasn't okay. I told them this was silly. That boys should be allowed to wear girl's clothes if girls were allowed to wear boy's clothes like trousers and boxer shorts. Yes, trousers. It wasn't too long ago that a girl would get beaten by her own mother for wearing trousers. And now we think it's completely normal. But boys still can't wear skirts. Marilyn Manson once said that Robert Smith (the Cure) made it okay for boys to wear lipstick. I wish that was really true. Fact is, if a regular boy, not someone famous or who works in entertainment, wears lipstick out on the street, and not on a stage, he will most likely get beaten up. The only time a boy can wear a skirt outside is when it is a kilt, which is Scottish battle clothing. But even then, it is worn as a statement, and people look and point.

Going from girl to boy, from Venus to Mars, I have noticed there are things I suddenly can't do anymore. Like wearing a skirt or make up if I want to. Those things are just not done. Suddenly the things I say that were labeled as strong and independent being said by a woman, were found rude and offensive when said as a man. I find myself needing to sensor myself, not because of what I say or even how I say it, because I would have said it the same way as a woman, but because I am male. Women are expected to stand up for themselves, to fight for their rights. Men are expected to already have rights and should not claim them because by claiming their rights they are automatically suppressing women. Really? It would seem so. I find it all very strange. It seems to me like men are even more stuck in their gender role then women are. Remember people asked me why I couldn't just be a masculine woman or a tomboy because that would be easier? It would be easier. A lot! Mostly because you don't lose the rights you have as a woman. I had no idea how limited men are in their personal expression until I started living as one. Being a masculine woman means getting more freedom and being able to make your own choices. Being a feminine man means losing your rights as a man and not gaining the rights of women. Women have been fighting to gain the rights of men and have succeeded on many levels, though the fight is still far from over. I wish them all the best, I really do. It made my life a lot easier while I was still trying to live as a woman. But men have hardly started the battle to gain the rights of women. Every now and then a man stands up and raises his fist, but it doesn't seem to stick.


Maybe men are afraid that when they try to gain women's rights they will lose their own rights and will be left with nothing. As a transman it's even more difficult because you feel you have to prove your manhood. You have to compensate for not having a penis. And if you do decide to wear a bit of make up every now and then suddenly you are not trans enough and not a 'real' transsexual. Again, something that seems very silly to me and a lot of people agree it is silly indeed. But I don't see a lot of people standing up for this. A lot of transsexuals are afraid that people will think they are actually transvestites when they hold on to some habits that are linked to their old gender. This does happen and does not help at all. Maybe we should all pay less attention to what we all 'should do' and pay more attention to ourselves, who we really are and how we want to express ourselves, no matter what the rest of the world thinks. Though maybe not while we are walking the dog late in the evening... I know there is a fair chance of getting beaten up over this, but I'd rather stand up for what I believe in and get a few bruises then continue to live in shame. Who's with me?




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