Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Bronies and beared ladies.

Last week there was a Dutch article on a German woman who had beard growth and had decided to not pluck it out any longer. She now works at the circus. It's a lonely life but she is happier being herself even though not everyone reacts positively, telling her she should be shot etc.



I was a bit surprised at this article and not in a good way. I found myself thinking: she really works in the circus? That is so two centuries ago. It seemed like fiction. But this probably is her only option. Let's be honest, what kind of job do you see her doing? Something where other people couldn't see her. But who would hire her in the first place? I don't think anyone would. Other then circus that is. People are so stuck in the binary that anything that does not fit people's ideas of what is feminine or masculine is simply not accepted. A bearded lady is a freak and should either be shot or in the circus. In the rest of the world there is no place for someone like that. 

What I was even more surprised at, were the reactions the article got. It was posted in one of the trans groups on Facebook. It was a mixed group so there were transmen and women on there. The post has been removed and I only saw a few of the comments but I saw it was getting out of hand real quick. The transmen mostly reacted approving, perhaps even a bit jealous. Some of the transwomen however were shocked, appalled and offended. How could a woman want to grow a beard? They were trying really hard to not grow a beard in becoming a real woman. And now there was this cis (people born in the body that fits their gender identity) woman, who saw herself as 100% woman, who was growing a beard! How could she do that? It seems that a lot of transsexuals are just as stuck in the binary as most cis people are. They rebuke any behavior that doesn't fit just as hard as others do. 

As much as that shocks me, I also feel embarrassed as I am part of that group and I would like to be able to say: we, transgenders, think outside of the binary boxes of male and female. But it turns out we don't. We are just as human as the rest of you. We are just as insecure, or maybe even more. We want to fit in. That's all that matters in the end. At least, for a lot of trans people. The want to be accepted for who they are and because of that they will go through great lengths to be as passable as possible. Even if that means rejecting people who don't fit the standard either, who are just trying to be themselves, just like they are.

Passability is one of the greatest issues among the trans community. It's so important. It is the greatest achievement there is for a transsexual. It makes me wonder why. A lot of transsexuals are afraid they will be found out. That something will give away the fact that they were born in the wrong body. They are afraid that, if/when people find out, they will be rejected. A lot of them will tell you it's not about that. It's about feeling like a real woman or like a real man. Sorry but that's a load of crap. If you didn't feel like a woman or a man, you wouldn't want to change your body and your social role to fit how you feel. So you already feel like a real woman or a real man. What you look like has nothing to do with that. If we look at the so called ideal of what women or men should look like, hardly anyone meets that standard. But a lot of trans people think they should, because they have to compensate for not having ovaries or testicles. Do we really have to? A friend of mine posted a video on my wall the other day, about bronies. About what? Bronies. Just watch the video here



Did you watch it? It raises some interesting questions. Personally I'm a big fan of bronies. Not of My Little Pony to be honest. But I think bronies are awesome. I hope it will be the start of something new. A new definition of what masculine and feminine means. And how stuck we are with those two as being divided. I believe that everyone has a feminine and a masculine side. We are now at an age where we have the ability to express both sides. Whether you are transsexual or cis or transgender, you always have a feminine and a masculine side. Embrace them and make them work together. If we, the trans people, really want to be ourselves and be free to express the way we see ourselves, everyone should be able to. I think that's the only way to do it. So I say let's get the bearded lady out of the circus and see her as just another human being, just like the rest of us. 

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Thursday, April 11, 2013

Coming out, again and again.

Coming out is a very important part of being LGBT. It's the moment you tell your friends and family: this is who I am and I'm not ashamed of it. It's the moment you tell them you want them to love and accept you for who you truly are. And hopefully they do. You can never be sure what is going to happen until you actually come out. I guess, in a way, it is a test. Do they really care about you, enough to accept the fact that you are different from the mainstream. Not everyone passes that test and it can be very hard. Which is why it's such a big deal. You risk losing your loved ones over something that, really, isn't any of their business. Because, let's face it, it's no ones business what you do in the bedroom except the person you are doing that with. 


If you are LGB, once you are out to your friends and family basically you're done. Because, indeed, it is nobody's business. Your co-workers or classmates have no reason to know such things. You are not obligated to tell anyone. You don't have to put it on your resume and in most cases people can't tell. When you go to the gym or to church or the beach, people either could already tell before you came out, or they still can't. Telling people you are gay doesn't change the way you look. You may feel more secure and that might show. Or you might act more natural and not restrain your traits that you think might 'out' you to other people. But coming out in itself doesn't make you look gay. 


Being a transsexual is a bit different when it comes to that. First you need to come out to your friends and family, just like the LGB people. Same story. Either they suspected already or they were completely in the dark. Either they will accept it or not. And you deal with whatever you get on your plate. And then you start your transition. You do your screening and get approval to start treatment. So that is what you do. You start hormone treatment. And then suddenly, that huge group of people that the LGB people didn't have to worry about, is on your case. People see you changing and they start asking themselves questions. 


I teach BodyPump at two gyms. At both gyms most people who work there know about me being trans. At one gym a lot of the members know as well. But not everyone. I don't start my classes with: Welcome to BodyPump, my name is Tyler and I'm trans. That would just be silly. But they all see the weight I put on m barbell. They all pay attention to my muscle tone. Instructors set an example of what you can achieve with that program after all. When you start taking testosterone your muscles start to grow. My voice will lower. Something they will notice as I am talking all the time. They listen to me. They will notice something is changing. And the most logic explanation for these changes would be steroids. And they would be right. Steroids are artificial hormones. It's the exact same stuff as I will be getting from my doctor. I know people will talk. Luckily people tend to approach me and ask me all kinds of questions. So hopefully they will ask about this as well. Or they will ask each other in the locker room and hopefully someone who knows what's happening can help them out. At one gym that shouldn't be a problem. At the other gym I'm not so sure yet. The thing is, I will have to come out, to a whole bunch of people, who I don't even really know that well because I see them once or twice a week during a fitness class. It's none of their business. But they will notice and they will have an opinion and some of them will talk behind my back. I will be getting looks. I will be getting questions. And I am really dreading that. I know, all I can do is wait and see what happens. I'll just have to deal with it one look or question at a time. 

People are not aware of this. They think that once you're out you're done. They think that, just because it isn't someone's business, their opinion doesn't matter. And they're right, it doesn't. But it does affect me. I do have to deal with being judged. I do have to deal with people asking completely inappropriate questions. I do have to deal with looks that say: what are you? I'm not sure but what ever you are, it's weird and I don't like it. I will have to go through a phase where I am obviously a freak. A bearded lady. Or a boy with boobs. Chose the lesser evil. Either way, it sucks. 

Wish me luck. I'm going to need it. 


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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Putin vs the gays.

Yesterday evening I went to Amsterdam to join the protest against the law the Russians have proposed on LGBT propaganda. Personally I think the whole idea is idiotic as your sexual orientation and gender identity are locked into the brain. You can torture someone as much as you like but they will remain gay. If being LGBT was a choice hardly anyone would do it because of all the trouble you can get into. It makes life a lot harder and no one wants that. Personally, if I had a choice, I would just ´fit in´. I tried long enough to be a girl after all. And that´s what we all want in the end. To fit in and to belong. But it´s not a choice. So pretending it´s not there is not an option. Therefor the idea of gay propaganda is just silly. Propaganda suggests it is a choice. Propaganda suggests you can persuade people to become gay. Come join us, we have rainbows! I mean, really? Does he actually think it works that way? Does anyone? I know people do believe such things but come on. Why on earth would someone chose to be gay if it means you can get lynched. Or, closer to home for most of us, get fired, bullied, or beaten up like that gay couple in Paris the other day. Why would anyone chose to live like that? We don't. We don't have a choice. It's who we are. 

Putin denies human rights are being infringed. He says that the LGBT community has the same rights as anyone else. He also says it's a local law that is suggested to ban gay propaganda, not federal. But federal law should make such local laws impossible. If it really is local, he should pull rank and tell them it's a no go. In the mean time the law has already been activated in several areas of the country. Violence is growing. People don't feel safe, they are scared. And they should be. The police does not protect them. Putin may say the police should, but they don't. A survey in Russia shows that "Tolerance towards people with different sexual orientation and an understanding of their problems was found in 23% of Russian people, who suggest that these people should be left in peace to be themselves; another 27% believe that such people need psychological help. The rest of society has firm opinions on the issue: 16% believe that homosexuals should be isolated from society, 22% think they should be forced to undergo treatment, and 5% think they should be "eliminated" completely..." Less then 1 in 4 is 'okay' with gay people. So Putin may say that LGBT people have the same rights, but with the homophobia going through the roof, it's a bit difficult to believe people can actually exercise those rights. Banning education on LGBT is not going to make people less gay. It's just going to make them more homophobic. 

So, the protest. What was is like. Well, there were a few thousand gay people on a tiny spot so that meant song festival music and whistles. Lots of rainbow flags and signs being waved around. Sing a longs and shouting. Being there felt important. But it also felt kind of futile. I don't know if it will help at all but it was all we could do so that's what we did. It was nice seeing a lot of people there, running into old and new friends. It was really nice to know they care. A friend of mine who is straight came along as well. She turned out to be the only straight person I know who bothered. I really really appreciate her being there. The thing is, this isn't just a gay issue. It's a human rights issue. It's about being able to be yourself and to love who you chose to love without being prosecuted for it. People seem to forget that. It's not just about the gays. It's about all of us. It's about freedom in the smallest things, the things we seem to take for granted. It's about such basic things as being able to give someone a hug in public. It's about not having to be ashamed of who you are. Or having to be afraid to be yourself. It's about being human. 

If you still want to do something, the petition is still open. Please sign. 




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Monday, April 8, 2013

We are re-opening art gallery Noodweer!

About two years and one month ago a friend of mine, Chris, and I, decided to start an art gallery. Well, not really, but that's what happened. It started with me looking for space to exhibit my own paintings and being turned down by galleries because I couldn't guarantee sales or was not able to pay huge entry fees. Chris his mom owns a building and the lower floor is shop space. But she as having trouble finding tenants so she asked Chris if he wanted to use the space while it was vacant. So we decided to exhibit my work there. And then we realized the space was pretty big and invited some other artists to join the exhibition. Rather sooner then later we had made up our mind that we would continue to show other people's work there as well, aiming for starting artists who were having the same kind of trouble as I was. And there it was: Noodweer was born.

We hadn't expected it to be such a success. And we hadn't expected to enjoy it so much either. Turned out we really loved helping new artist, guiding them into the big bad world of exhibiting your work, and yourself, presenting your heart and soul to the world. Once there were paying tenants we had to move. We started looking for a new location but had no budget so things were a lot more difficult then we had hoped. Eventually we decided to use Chris his living room to continue our exhibitions. We were surprised at how successful they were. Through one of those exhibitions we got invited to start organizing the exhibitions at the new Vrijplaats location at the middelste gracht. The building is amazing so we decided to shift our focus there for a while.
 
A few months later Chris his mom told us the tenants (construction workers who were just using the building while working on a project around the corner) were leaving and we were welcome to come back. Of course we said yes! Things have changed a bit though. We have learned a lot and want to do things slightly different. We don't want to get kicked out again when she finds someone who can pay the rent. We want to stay. So we are using some of the walls the previous tenant built, adding a few walls, moving some doors, etc, so we have 3 spaces that we can rent out as art studio's. They're not huge but a good size for a studio. Getting artist to work there should cover most of the rent so we would be able to stay. This would be awesome. We still have some work to do though and budget is tights. We don't have any money to put in a decent floor at the moment so that is going to have to wait. Hopefully, after a few exhibitions we will be able to fix that as well.

I'm really excited about the whole thing. It's a huge project and if it fails I will be highly disappointed, not to mention even more broke then I already am. But people seem to really like what we are doing. We need to professionalize a lot of other stuff as well. We have a facebook page but not a website yet. If you know how to build a website and would like to help us, or know anyone who could, please let us know. We would be eternally grateful. Of course we are also always looking for new artists. If you can think of anything else that could help us, please speak up! You can reach us at galerienoodweer@gmail.com

Monday, April 1, 2013

How to get rid of love handles.

I get these type of questions all the time. I have fat there and there. How do I get rid of it? If I do crunches, do I get rid of my tummy fat? If I do chest presses, will my boobs disappear? Etc etc. People still seem to believe that they burn fat there where they are using their muscles. Alas, no such thing. It seems to make sense at first sight but if you look at things closer, there is something else going on.


Not all fat is just fat. Your body stores different types of fat in different places. It puts it in places where it makes sense to your body. If your liver is turning fructose into fats, then it makes sense to store those fats in that region. Other fats are stored to save for later, like the fat on ladies thighs and buttocks. That's the type of fat you want to build babies so you want to keep that for when you need it. There is a place, reason and purpose for everything. Just because you don't think it looks pretty, doesn't mean it's not functional.

I'm not saying you should be satisfied with a body you're not comfortable with. I'm just saying you need to work with what you have. Women will always be more likely to store fat in their lower regions and men around their waist. Those are things you need to accept. Also, some people are more inclined to lose weight in certain areas then others. Somehow I actually tend to lose fat on my thighs quicker then on my stomach even though my metabolism is still fully female. Don't ask me why. Of course, when I gain fat mass again that's also where it jumps right back on.


But if you can't target the zones where you want the fat to Go Away! what do you do? Just make the excess fat go away. If your body is healthy, fit and fully functional it should look good as well. What we define as looking good is looking healthy. I know, these days our ideals are a bit off, but they do represent what we need right now. When you look at the women Rubens painted, they were all plump. Why? Because it showed prosperity. Why? Because most people didn't have enough food to get plump. Right now obesity is the one of the leading causes of death. As a result we cling on to super skinny ideals because we are afraid of being overweight. But do we need to be super skinny? No, we don't. We need to be healthy. We need to find a middle ground between our realistic fears and our exaggerated ideals. Even the men on the cover of Men's Health are not realistic. It's not how real people look. It's not how you and I look. Those are people who spend all their time working on looking good. It's their job. And guess what, we don't have that job. We have other things to do. If you feel fit, healthy and able to do with your body what you want to do, there is a good chance you will like what you see in the mirror. If you don't, maybe you should think about why. Most likely there is some other area in your life that makes you feel like you need to compensate for that by looking extra attractive to others. Just saying..


But I want to get rid of my love handles! I hear you. I don't disagree with wanting to not have love handles. I'm still dreaming of a six-pack as well. But I've had a beef with my body since I was little. So what do we do?

First of all, you have to be patient. These things don't happen over night. We all know that but we tend to pretend that only applies to other people. It does not. I know, it sucks.

Second, we have to check what we eat. I hear people mention different percentages, usually between 60 and 80, of how much food helps with body composition. It varies per person but in essence this is true. More then half of your results come from what you eat. So you need to check that. The first thing people usually say when I tell them that is: so I should eat even less fat. And I respond: NOOOO!! Most likely you need to eat more fat. Good, healthy fats, like olive oil or coconut oil or avocado's or fish. If your body doesn't get enough of something it will cling on to every tiny bit it can for when the shit really hits the fan. It goes into starvation mode and will refuse to burn fat. So in order to get your body to start burning fat again, you need to reassure your body more fat is coming. This also goes for water by the way. If you don't drink enough you will get bloated because your body will cling on to the water it does get. Not good for your kidneys, among many other things. Drinking more water or (herbal) tea could result in losing several pounds even. As I mentioned before, your liver turns fructose into fat. So avoiding fructose would be a good idea. That does not mean not eating fruit. In fruit fructose is packed in fiber and doesn't enter the bloodstream that easily. You want to avoid the processed sugars like corn syrup and regular white sugar. For more on sugar check my blog post http: Why drinking 'fat coke' really is like drinking fat.

Third, exercise. Finally! So, how much cardio should you do? Should? I don't know. Do you like doing cardio? Then by all means, go ahead and do it. But if you don't like it and you're just doing it to lose weight, you can stop. It's okay. You can go ahead and get a barbell and start building a bit of muscle. You don't have to get huge. You just have to get lean. The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn, even when you are asleep. In the long run doing fitness will get you more result then doing endless cardio. Cardio burns what you have now. Muscle burns what you eat the rest of the day. If you do still want to do cardio, do it after your strength training. When you are pushing weights your body needs to energy stored in your muscles. If you already used that for cardio you will not get the best results. If you have done your strength training and then do cardio, there will be not carbs left in your muscles and your body will be more inclined to start burning fat. So it's beneficial both ways. On a side note: muscle is more dense so you may still weigh the same, but your waistline will have shrunk. The best way to measure your process is by your belt.

That's all I have for now. This should get you started. If you have any more questions, let me know. Good luck!