Sunday, March 3, 2013

I'm almost done with my screening.

 Two days ago I had another meeting with my gender therapist. Part of the screening is bring a friend day so I did. I brought my latest ex who I am still friends with and also work with. Currently he is one of my closest friends and we kind of helped each other discover who we are. Our friendship means a lot to me. My therapist had a few basic questions like how do you know each other, how would you describe your friendship, how do you feel about Tyler's transition and what do you actually notice about it. He did have to think quite a bit about the answers. Notice about the change? Not so much. Things make more sense and are more relaxed. He's right. It's true. Most of the time I don't really notice I'm transitioning when I'm around people. They still treat me the same mostly. They call me dude when they remember and some remember more often then others but they all try. Most of the guys I know are more laid back around me now which feels really good. The girls are all curious and want to know what's happening as if I am some sort of spy. It seems like the girls have more trouble no longer seeing me as one of them then the guys do accepting me. Funny how that works. I'm not sure why that is. Anyone have any insights on that? Feedback would be very welcome.

My therapist gave me the phone number of the psychiatrist I need to call for my second opinion. It was 5pm on Friday so I haven't been able to call yet but I will Monday morning. I only have to stop by for the last part of my life story, which should be done in one session, and the second opinion. And that's it. Then I should have the most coveted green light. I will get a letter for hormone therapy which I will have to send to the hospital and they will put me on next the waiting list. I checked again, it's still 8 weeks. This means I should be able to start hormone treatment in about June if all goes well.

Right now I'm not nervous because I am too tired. The IRS is coming over next week to check my books. I am still working on writing the training for the educators at the COC which turned out to be a lot more work then I thought. We had the first Trans*-café at the COC Leiden last night which I think was pretty successful for a first time with only 2 weeks notice. I am still waking up at 6:30 am every day and usually do get up early as I have plenty to do like teaching BodyPump this morning. I'm getting about 6 hours of sleep every night and doing that for a long time is getting to me. I still have a buckload of emails I need to look at but right now I can't focus on any of them. I'm going to try to sleep in tomorrow and see if I can stay in bed until 9am. In 2 weeks time I have crossed out my calendar so I can have some time for myself. Just the gym and some me time. Not even a nice cup of tea with someone cause this week I had social appointments with 14 people in total, some at the same time luckily. So if I say social stuff is fine I still won't have any me time at all. And I really do need this time because things are about to get seriously real really soon. I need to prepare mentally cause I'm not sure if I'm ready for this big change. I wake up with my heart racing most mornings and if I don't it takes about 5 minutes before it does. But my head is so full I don't know what's what anymore. Right now I'm going to take a short nap, have some diner and then go off to a friend's house to watch the new BodyPump DVD and eat chocolate. We deserve it.

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