Thursday, January 2, 2014

Into the men's locker room.

Now I don't teach at a gym anymore I suddenly have to pay to be there instead of getting paid. This has had some consequences for my financial state as you would expect. So as a result I have moved to a different gym. A new place where nobody knows me. After some debate I decided to sign up at The Spartan. Also because they have memberships for 3 months and if you sign up in January you get one month for free. This means my membership expires right at the time when I have my surgery. Perfect timing. That way I can relax and take the time I need to recover without feeling the pressure of "I should be at the gym!" I know it's mental but at some point working out becomes a way of life.
The Spartan is an old fashioned gym. I'm not even sure if they really have any classes even though they claim to have aerobics. What they do have is one room for cardio, one with just machines for fitness, and two more with some fitness machines and also an insane amount of free weights. Rows and rows of dumbbells. Huge stacks of disks. The testosterone hits you right in the face when you walk in there. There is a lady's locker room upstairs but I haven't seen any women in there today. In the building that is. I didn't go into the lady's room. When I signed up they didn't need my passport. You just pay for the 3 months in one go and if you want to stay longer you just pay again. Very simple. After I signed up he gave me a key for one of the lockers and pointed to the dressing room. That way. The label on the key said: 19, men. So that was it. I didn't feel like explaining I couldn't shower in there so I decided to just take the plunge and go for it. I took a deep breath and walking in.
There were 3 men in there, talking. They looked at me, nodded, and continued to talk. Like I wasn't even there. That was all. So I hung up my coat and changed my sweatpants and shoes and put my bag into my designated locker. And I walked out. And that was all. No big deal. Well, of course, it was a big deal for me. But the fact that no one noticed it was, made it a success. While loading my barbell for my squats I did realize something. This means technically I'm going stealth here. No one knows I am trans. They all think I'm a regular guy just like the rest of them. I have no idea how they will react if they find out. None what so ever. I don't know these people at all. The freedom I felt when I walked out of the dressing room disappeared rather quickly when I realized that, because they don't know, they could find out by accident. So while I was working out at first I was constantly aware if my boobs and my binder. But then I realized something else. They don't know me, and they don't care. They're not paying any attention to me at all. They are doing their thing and I am doing mine. We are all there for the same reason: to lift some steel. That's all there is. No one cares about anything else. So I'm just going to do my thing there and lift some steel, as a man.

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