I had my first meeting with the hormone doc.

After two whole months I finally had my first appointment with the hormone doctor. People had told me it wouldn't be a big deal. Just a few questions, a blood pressure check and such and then I would get my prescription. But most people go to the hospital in Amsterdam. The one where I will have my first screening day three weeks from now. This hospital in The Hague isn't specialized in things like this so they take it easy. There were the usual questions: are you sure? Any such and such illnesses in your family? Take a deep breath please. And the blood tests. But no prescription. He wants to wait for the results of the blood tests first. That's just the way they do it over there. So now I have to wait another two weeks and hopefully I'll get my prescription then. 

There is another thing. That doctor is not a fan of injections. You get spikes in your hormone levels and eh doesn't like that. He does not prescribe injections. He only prescribes gel that you have to smear on your body. I don't want gel. It contains alcohol and my skin does not appreciate that at all. My skin dries out and cracks real easy and then gets infected. So I'm a bit skeptical about rubbing alcohol all over myself. He said he would look into an alternative but injections are not an option when I am with this doctor. 

I am highly disappointed. I had really counted on being able to start treatment today. I had also really hoped to get injections. Right now I feel really tired. I never expected this to be easy but it's hard enough as it is. The people who are supposed to help me don't always seem very helpful. I know two weeks isn't a long time but it feels like for ever to me. I have been biting my nails waiting for my referral letter for weeks and weeks, only to find out it 'got lost in the mail' and they had to send it again. The local hospital was supposed to have a one week waiting list but I called them a few days ago and they said my referral letter was up for review this week, probably, and after that I would get an invitation, if they decided to treat me. They don't have a lot of experience with adult transgenders. They just send them to Amsterdam usually. And now The Hague has put me on hold yet again. Right now I'm worried he will find something in my blood work that indicates I'm not standard enough and they will turn me away. I know that's paranoia but at this moment it just feels like it is never going to happen. I am so tired of all of this. I want this whole transition thing to be over. I want to get on with my life. Is that really too much to ask?

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